The first dance

Saturday, July 30, 2005

If you are to choose the first dance in your wedding, which song would that be?
posted by MoonLightShadow at 3:31 PM, | 18 comments

Thursday, July 28, 2005

I’m not in a good mood. Bored to death, and very lazy to do anything. All I’m doing is sleeping and eating, I guess my weight is increasing exponentially.

Though I’ve got plenty of things to do, but I’m just lazy to do anything! Have a number of books to read, hand crafts to finish, and some exercises to do. But doing nothing.

Is it that thing that was cancelled today the reason for that?! Umm.. may be. I just wish that it’s not cancelled forever!
posted by MoonLightShadow at 7:31 PM, | 2 comments

Know Thyself

Since I was in preparatory, I have been interested in psychology, and especially psychological tests. At that time, I didn’t know many people around having the same interest. I sometimes took these tests seriously, other times it was just for having fun. Same goes for character analysis according to horoscopes. I like knowing and reading about it, but I don’t take things very serious. Meaning, things don’t stick to my mind, it’s spontaneous.

Lately, I’ve been in touch with many people who are having that same interest of mine. But surprisingly, they are addicted to it, and take it more seriously than I do. I feel that they just project the results of tests on their character. They take it for granted, and try acting according to these results. I don’t know why I don’t think that’s a proper way of self discovery.

I definitely believe that these tests are a way for getting to know the person we are. But still it’s not everything. It’s not the only way to know ourselves.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 12:33 AM, | 7 comments

Fake it till you make it

Fake it till you make it.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 12:30 AM, | 7 comments


Wednesday, July 27, 2005

I need some change.. any kind of change.. I thought I’d do something quickly, and changed how my blog looks like.

Though I liked the template very much, but seems I’m not the one who likes change. Yes, I’m attached to anything quickly, even if it’s how my blog looks like.. it wasn’t easy for me to accept it’s new look.. So, I’m back to the old one.

That’s the same with everything else.. hard to change, though in need to do.

Change or not to?! What do you think?!
posted by MoonLightShadow at 3:43 PM, | 5 comments

It wasn't a good day

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Umm.. I feel somehow disappointed. My day wasn’t that good. I had another interview today, which didn’t go that well. Plus, I was looking forward to meet a couple of friends, but it was cancelled.

But you know what, in the middle of the interview I was wishing not to be accepted. The whole thing wasn’t promising. To start with, the interviewer came about an hour late! That was enough for me to go away and never come back. But I waited!

During that hour I waited there, I don’t know why I felt I’m in one of those governmental organizations. The interview wasn’t held in a professional way at all. Then he turned it into a technical exam, and gave me a task to do, though I should be notified about that before I go to the interview.

I don’t like such surprises, I wasn’t in the mood to do it, and that confused me somehow. I was stuck with a very trivial thing that wasn’t working. I thought, ok, that’s the end of it, I don’t wanna work here, I want to get out immediately from here.

I asked the interviewer to check what I’ve done. He said “you didn’t complete the task”. I said yes, and told him that I’m stuck with something. He gave me a hint about it, and asked me to complete. He told me I need to come and find you did something that shows that you are with the very good grade. At the moment, the child inside me was about to burst into tears. I kept holding myself as much as I can. I would have really looked funny!!

The surprising part was, I finished the rest of the task in no time. Seems that he provoked me that much to the extent that he aroused my stubbornness and persistence. Anyways, he told me that I might start training there, and I’ll be getting a call within this week.

I’m confused, despite the fact that I didn’t like the whole atmosphere there, I feel I should go, at least I might get experience.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 9:01 PM, | 9 comments

Seems it's a long way to go!

My brother had to apply for the university during the past week, and the argument started. Well, they were two arguments, one about which college to enter, the other was the way of applying. It was either in the normal way, go and get the papers and then apply hand to hand, or to use the new online service for applying.

Me and dad kept convincing him to do it online. He was afraid to use the service, he said that it’s not guaranteed.. and such online services won’t work well in Egypt and such stuff. Well, finally after doing such a great effort, we convinced him.

But seems my brother was right about his doubts. The student’s data is supposed to be displayed after he enters his seat number.. and we had the shock.. my brother passed the exams for entering the faculty of Fine Arts (kodrat exam) but what was written there was that he didn’t pass!!

So, we thought ok, we will try adding the faculty of Fine Arts and see if it’s gonna accept it or not. We got a message box saying he didn’t pass the exam, but the faculty was added to the list.

We were confused, we didn’t know whether it’s accepted that way or not. We called their service to check if that’s normal or not. The lady said that they had a problem with the data of this exam and for that reason they allowed all students to add this faculty then they will validate it with the original copy of data!

Me and my father got relieved somehow.. but my brother was on fire.. LOL.

The whole situation isn’t satisfying at all. First, I wonder if my brother who is supposed to be educated and know the importance of Information Technology, how couldn’t he trust these online services?! And how are we asking people who never dealt with computers to trust it then?!!

Despite the fact that the government is somehow doing some efforts for automating it’s services, still they are to be blamed because these services are not fully tested and reliable. By that, they discouraging people to go for the automated services.

posted by MoonLightShadow at 8:18 PM, | 6 comments

Ocean Gypsy

Monday, July 25, 2005
A very nice song, with wonderful lyrics.

Ocean Gypsy

Tried to take it all away
Learn her freedom just inside a day
And find her soul
To find their fears allayed

Tried to make her love their own
They took her love they left her there
They gave her nothing back
That she would want to own

Gold and silver rings and stones
Dances slowly of the moon
No-one else can know
She stands alone

Sleeping dreams will reach for her
She cannot say the words they need
She knows she's alone
And she is free

Ocean gypsy of the moon
The sun has made a thousand nights
For you to hold
Ocean gypsy where are you
The shadows followed by the stars
Have turned to gold, turned to gold

Then she met a hollow soul
Filled him with her light
And was consoled she was the moon
And he, the sun was gold

Eyes were blinded with his light
The sun she gave
Reflected back the night
The moon was waning almost out of sight

Softly ocean gypsy calls
Silence holds the stars awhile
They smile sadly
For her where she falls

Just the time before the dawn
The sea is hushed
The ocean calls her
Day has taken her and now she's gone

No-one noticed when she died
Ocean gypsy shackled to the tide
The ebbing waves were turning
Spreading wide

Something gone within her eyes
Her fingers lifeless stroke the sand
Her battered soul was lost
She was abandoned

Silken threads like wings still shine
Winds take pleasure still make patterns
In her lovely hair
So dark and fine

Stands on high beneath the seas
Cries no more
Her tears have dried
Oceans weep for her the ocean sighs
posted by MoonLightShadow at 4:05 PM, | 6 comments

Is it becoming the norm these days?!

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Is it becoming the norm these days to wake up each day to hear about that number of bombings everywhere in the world?!

I wonder where the world is heading to!!
posted by MoonLightShadow at 9:41 AM, | 5 comments

Friday, July 22, 2005

It's amazing how some people try to tie themselves to some logical rules and explanations, while they are the first ones who don't believe in logical explanation for things.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 11:04 PM, | 1 comments

Same thoughts over and over!

That post by Mohamed reminded me of my diary. I thought I’d check it. Amazingly, I discovered that I haven’t written there for a long while. Thought of skimming through things I previously wrote.

It’s always nice to do so. Analyze the way I used to be thinking back then, and see how I used to worry about many things that didn’t worth it.

The funny thing, I found that I’m repeating myself over and over. Same thoughts over and over, same resolutions and conclusions. Same list of things to improve. And barely any of these lists is achieved. Sounds disappointing!

That made me wonder, would I be the same person for the coming five years as well?! I’d like to think that it’s NO. There should be something to achieve in those five years. There should be a new me.

I’m looking forward to read that diary again five years later. Though I’m afraid I’ll find same things are said over and over.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 1:29 PM, | 4 comments

It’s a small world!

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Going to a place where I met people from totally 4 different places, whom I never thought I’d meet them all in one place. That’s what I call one of my Sliding Doors.

Amazingly, I wasn’t going, but I thought why not, I should be more active than I am. And I went.

I must admit it, I would have lost a lot if I didn’t go. I was very happy to meet them all. People whom I haven’t met since years!

I love coincidences.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 12:09 AM, | 1 comments

What’s there in a name?!

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Once we went to the optician to buy my mum an eyeglasses. After we chose it, and we were taking the receipt, the man writing the receipt asked mum for her name to write it down. She told him, Mrs. H. (where H. is my father’s name). The man thought he heard it wrong, and asked for it again. Then, he wrote down Mrs. S. (where S. is a female name somehow similar to H.).

After we went out, I asked mum “Why didn’t you tell him your name?” She answered, I’m not supposed to do. That’s the norm, a women is called with her husband’s name. That even happens in western countries. She added that even some women are called by their son’s name, for example, Om Ahmed (Ahmed’s mother).

I really was annoyed for such a way of thinking. I don’t know what’s in a women’s name that they don’t say it in public?!
posted by MoonLightShadow at 2:35 AM, | 6 comments

Sliding Doors

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Chaos mathematicians have studied a phenomena called "the butterfly effect", in which a single butterfly flapping its wings can cause tremendous shifts of weather half a world away. The unpredictable effects of a relatively minor change are also explored in a movie called “Sliding Doors”, which shows how a seemingly insignificant event can have drastic effects.

People always wonder how their lives would have turned out if a few things had gone differently.

We tend to focus on the big events. What if I hadn't gotten married? What if I had taken this job or that one.

"Sliding Doors" explores how a seemingly insignificant event can change a life.

Helen is a public relations executive whose life is starting to fall apart on one fateful day. She just lost her job, and, on her way back home, she narrowly misses catching her train in the London underground...or does she.

But wait! The film backs up about 30 seconds, starts over and this time Helen slips aboard the train just as the doors slide shut.

At this point, the movie splits in two, alternating back and forth between two different worlds: one in which Helen caught the train, and the other in which she narrowly missed it. It's one minor difference, but the effects spiral away in completely different directions.

In the world where she catches the train, she meets a talkative Scotsman, James. She arrives home in time to catch her boyfriend, Gerry, in the middle of an affair with another woman Lydia. Yet, as traumatic as this seems at first, it makes her a stronger woman, as she pursues a new career, and a new life with a new love, James.

Bad luck continues for the Helen that missed the train. She decides to catch a cab instead and is immediately mugged. She arrives shortly after Lydia leaves and doesn't realize Gerry is having an affair.

So one Helen storms out of the flat and begins a romance with the charming James, while the other Helen continues to be two-timed by Gerry. The Helen who caught the train also bleaches her hair so the audience can tell them apart.

From time to time, Helen's parallel lives threaten to intersect. Blonde Helen enters a restaurant shortly after brunette Helen exits. During a bar scene James alternates between flirting with Helen and ignoring her, depending on which version we're seeing at the moment.

Each time I feel I’m in crossroads, and I’m about to make a lifetime decisions. I remember that movie. It makes me realize that it’s not these decisions that I think are major are the decisions which is gonna shape my life. Rather, it’s these minor events and decisions that might turn our lives upside down.

I learnt that I shouldn’t worry that much when it’s time for decisions. I shouldn’t be giving it all that second and third thought. “Think it for once and shoot” that’s what I always tell myself.

But did I learn the lesson?! Seems I didn’t. Instead of worrying about major decisions, I started thinking of every single thing I do, or anything I say. I realized that every single moment that we live is a major decisive moment in our lives.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 6:36 PM, | 5 comments

The computer isn’t working!!

I’ve heard that statement for two consecutive days. Yesterday, went to buy a train ticket, but they said the computer isn’t working!!

Today I went to the traffic station.. and they said the same thing, the computer isn’t working!!

No Comment!!
posted by MoonLightShadow at 5:29 AM, | 4 comments

Embare7 kan 3omry 3eshreen

A new song by Mohamed Mounir called “embare7 kan 3omry 20” (yesterday I used to be 20), I loved it from the first time l listened to it.. was going to put it on the blog, but thought it’s too loud to be played on the blog. If you are interested, check it here.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 5:08 AM, | 3 comments

I’m just a big mouth

Friday, July 15, 2005

I’ve always had these big dreams.. I’ve always wished to reach the stars. I don’t get satisfied by achieving small things. I always look for more achievements. Some might call that dissatisfaction, I’d call it the need to reach perfection.

The question that crosses my mind every now and then, am I a perfectionist?! I don’t know. Sometimes I feel yes I am, other times I feel no I’m not.

Sometimes I see it as seeking perfection but I’m too lazy to work for it. Other times I feel that I’ve had enough of being that perfectionist, I need to have rest. Actually I don’t know.

But just being in that state of not reaching what I dream of, doesn’t make me feel good about myself.

I keep dreaming, talking about my dreams, planning, saying I should do this and that. But I always stop at that point. I hardly carry out my talking into action. I wonder is it the need to be proactive or the need for encouragement that results in this.

Couple of days ago, I was reading First Things First , and I stopped at that part of writing a mission statement. I don’t know why it reminded me of all those dreams I’ve had, and how I didn’t accomplish any of them.

Since I was a little kid, I’ve had those big dreams. When I was in primary and preparatory, the only thing I wanted was to be an astronaut. I started buying books about astronomy, I read a lot about it and started asking about what should I do to reach that dream of mine. As time went by, I discovered that being an astronaut isn’t that easy, and that dream of mine is to an extent impossible. But I still was in love with astronomy. I thought I’d join the faculty of science astronomy department and then see what is it that I’d do after that. Thanks to surrounding people, they made that dream of mine vanish!

Years later, after being a university student, I had other dreams. Some were related to my field, others weren’t. I’m very much into hand crafts, and needle work. I thought when I graduate I could do business out of it. Then I felt it’s just a hobby, and I won’t make a good business out of it.

Later, I had another dream. I thought of having that institution for giving children good education, it might be some sort of a summer school to work on talents within each child. I'm still sticking to that dream. In fact I still stick to that dream, but I fear I turn out to be that big mouth as usual.

My latest dream is having that little library and bookstore. Part would be for selling books, the other part would be for lending books.

These were my major dreams. On the way, I’ve had other small ones, which I didn’t achieve any of them as well. One of them was developing a smart navigation system for cars (might tell you about that one later).

The only common thing between all these dreams are they are only thoughts. I did no action to carry out any of them.

That feeling of being another ‘just talking person’ irritates me.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 9:33 PM, | 3 comments

I’ve always hated generalizations

Came yesterday from the North Coast, to find Cairo having that horrible hot weather. I’ve always wished that weather doesn’t affect my mood, but it always does.

I couldn’t say that I spent a wonderful time there, nor it was bad. It was the normal. Last week I had that IBM exam. I didn’t feel good about it. They were about 7 exams for about 5 or 6 hours, things weren’t organized by anyway, I didn’t expect it to be like this.

People around were solving the exam in groups. Even that they are cheating in!!

The surprise I got when I came back yesterday was, some people heard that IBM decided they won’t take anyone from my faculty as a result of what happened in that exam.

I’ve always hated generalizations.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 12:44 PM, | 9 comments

When Silence does the Talking!!

Saturday, July 09, 2005

How does it feel when Silence does the Talking?!
posted by MoonLightShadow at 11:26 PM, | 10 comments

The key is in mutual understanding and acceptance

Communication with other people has been such a big issue for me. Being an introvert by nature makes it difficult for me to get along easily with other people. Especially if I’m introduced to them for the first time, in such situations I can’t act in a friendly. Some might think of that as being rude, but I’m not. I just don’t know where to start and most of the time I feel that these first time relations are superficial. Although, I might find someone having the same interests of mine, and that’s where a communication might start.

I’m very quiet, and I don’t talk a lot except when something triggers me to talk, it’s only then when I could go blabbering for a long time.

As a result of me not having that ability of breaking the ice, it takes me a very long time to develop a deep relation with someone. That might last for a year or so. Through this long period of time, I get to know about the person, their way of thinking, and their way of dealing with people.

I believe that these relations that are built by that slow pace, are the relations that last for long time, coz they are a result of mutual understanding and acceptance between people.

Despite all that, I still try to keep a distance between me and people. It’s a thin line which I try my best not to cross. Crossing that line means that this relation has developed to an intimate relation which has two contradictory results which are loving and hating the person.

That person becomes part of me, whom I’d never hide anything from and I’d be always an open book for. But the other result is, I get very attached to this person. Just the thought of losing them might get me mad. That feeling of attachment is sometimes translated into a possessive attitude. It’s then when a conflict is created inside me.

When the relation is developed to that point, I really need a certain kind of treatment. And that’s what I mean by mutual understanding. To be understood by the other side, and not to be mistakenly judged by things that I do unintentionally. Coz I need that kind of intensive care from close people to me. I might refuse that kind of care from other people, but I need it from those whom I care for.

Being aware of all this, leads me to blame myself for being that over sensitive person, and I always blame myself for spoiling any relation. I always accuse myself of being the person I am and not changing that about me, and I feel that I’m always the result for any conflicts that arise.

The result of accusing myself is turning to be aggressive to try to protect myself from other people. Trying to avoid being hurt.

It’s amazing how this is the normal scenario for most of my relations with people.

Despite the fact that I blame myself for that.. but still other sides are to be blamed. They didn’t understand me enough, or they understood me but they didn’t care enough.

I don’t know.. it hurts to feel that people you need around aren’t there for you.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 8:59 PM, | 1 comments

Friday, July 08, 2005

Umm.. it has been sometime. I must admit I missed being here, seems I became a blogging addict. I just came from the North Coast, going tomorrow to el 3ein el so7’na, and will be back at the same day.

Saturday, I’ll be having a lecture by IBM, then on Sunday I’ll be having an exam for IBM. After I finish I’ll be going back to the North Coast for another week.

Well, I had my results out.. got a total grade of very good and an excellent for the graduation project. I wonder why I wasn’t happy as I expected.

I had a horrible time there looking for an Internet connection coz I needed it urgently. Finally, after looking for a long time I found an Internet café. I really hate them. I feel distracted and less comfortable than being at home.

What else happened there? umm.. nothing. It was boring.. boring. Morning at the beach then watching TV by the afternoon or sleeping, nothing more. Thinking about it, I realized that I’ve been going to the same place for 13 years!! Amazing, I must be bored by now. I go to the same place, with the same people, and do the same things for 13 years. It’s time to say enough.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 2:03 AM, | 6 comments

Heading to the North Coast

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Tomorrow by dawn I’ll be heading to the North Coast for about a week or two, seeking a peaceful vacation.

I don’t know if an Internet connection will be available there or not. Wish the Internet café will be opened, though I hate it.

Before I go, I’ll leave you with this,
Does a man make a situation, or a situation makes a man?!

Waiting to know what do you think.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 1:18 AM, | 3 comments

I enjoyed my time

A very big thank you goes to my friends who shared me tonight. You all made me do things I never thought I’d do. I really enjoyed my time :)
posted by MoonLightShadow at 1:06 AM, | 1 comments