Teach the clients to do it themselves :D

Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Things have been going normally, one day I’m on the edge, other day I’m feeling good, seems I should accept that life goes on that way.

There is a project that I’m willing to take the initiative for :D I want to teach clients how to develop their own software systems :D Wouldn’t that make our life much easier!!

At least they are gonna tailor everything according to their requirements, they will know how do we suffer from their requirements, and it’s only then that they will appreciate what we are doing for them.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 11:18 PM, | 3 comments


Monday, November 28, 2005
I very much need to put the glass down!!

A professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it. He held it up for all to see & asked the students, "How much do you think this glass weighs?"

"50gms!"... "100gms!" ......"125gms" ......the students answered.

"I really don't know unless I weigh it," said the professor, "but, my question is: What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?"

"Nothing" the students said.

"Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?" the professor asked.

"Your arm would begin to ache" said one of the students.

"You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?"

"Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress & paralysis & have to go to hospital for sure!" ventured another student & all the students laughed.

"Very good. But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?" asked the professor.


" Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress, and how can I get rid of it?"

Now, the students were puzzled.

"Put the glass down!" said one of the students.

"Exactly!" said the professor." Life's problems are something like this. Hold it for a few minutes in your head & they seem OK.

Think often for a long time & they begin to ache. Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything. It's important to think of the challenges (problems) in your life, but EVEN MORE IMPOR T ANT to 'put them down' at the end of every day before you go to sleep. T hat way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh & strong & can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!"

So, as it becomes time for you to leave office today...

Happiness keeps u Sweet, Trials keep u Strong, and Sorrow keeps u Human, Failure Keeps u Humble, Success keeps u glowing.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 8:48 PM, | 2 comments

Thank you my brother for lifting the mood up

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Last night was my brother’s school graduation party.

I can’t say how much I love my brother, he is very special to my heart. I was very happy to see him graduating. It gave me a strange feeling. I found myself smiling and crying at the same time.

The whole thing was very touching. Starting from seeing my old teachers to meeting some colleagues from different years, seeing the happiness in the eyes of each and everyone of the students, and watching a presentation for their pictures since they were in kindergarten till they reached high school.

I just found tears rolling down, and I’m incapable of controlling them. I wasn’t sad, I was very happy, and proud of my brother, the students (current and graduated), and my school. It felt like a one big family is celebrating.

The guys and girls were amazing. You feel like they are all shining stars, each is going to be successful in his/her own path. And yes, it’s true that our school graduates are distinguished.

That day caused a flow of emotions within .. remembering my school days, my graduation day, and all the good memories.

My dear brother, I wish you the best through your life.
Wish you success,
Wish you joy,
Wish you achieve your dreams.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 1:49 PM, | 5 comments

Me, myself, and I

Thursday, November 24, 2005
A continuous struggle is always there between the three of us. Me, myself and I. A huge difference between the one people see, the one I see myself or looking forward to be, and my inner self.

I don’t know if it’s healthy to have these three diverse characters within myself or not, but I’m trying to decrease the gap between them, or at least working on not increasing it.

Actually I don’t know how others see me, but I’m sure most of them see a picture that is not the true me especially if they are building that impression on appearance or in a short time that doesn’t give them enough time to know the person that lies within.

However, it’s not people’s fault only. It’s my fault as well. I sometimes intend to avoid my inner self, and show a fake one instead. Actually it’s not fake, but she is just a picture. A picture of a typical girl who doesn’t differ much than those around her. She attempts to dress like all people around, think like them, do like they do. In short, she attempts to go with the main stream. Sometimes she is naïve, dumb, quiet, and shy. She is doing all that to save herself the hassle of being recognized, and people knowing how does she think. She did her best to hide her true self from others.

Oooppss.. I made a mistake, I’m describing myself according to what other people see, but I’m not other people. I’m still myself. I’m describing what I see of myself, still from my own perspective. From what I feel I am showing, but still it’s not necessarily how others see me.

So, how do they see me?!! Do they understand that it’s a picture, and if only they dig deeper they’ll reach the core?! Or they get deceived by that outer picture?!

But my inner self is objecting for being hidden all that time. She needs to get out, to be set free, and take the lead of my life. But unfortunately, her attempts to come out and see the light weren’t welcomed. She was rejected, and thought of as a new comer.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 11:02 PM, | 3 comments

Change is the only Constant!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Change is the only Constant!
posted by MoonLightShadow at 10:44 PM, | 2 comments

UPs and DOWNs

Have been passing through quick changes of mood, up and down every minute. Have been having a terrible headache since Sunday. Left work early yesterday, after an hour of arguing with myself if I should leave early or not!

But I just couldn’t help it. The headache was too much than I can manage, and I wasn’t concentrating, and there was no progress, so I thought I’d better go home.

Later, went to check my blood pressure, I though it was high. Actually that was the first time for me to check my blood pressure. It turned out to be low rather than high. The pharmacist gave me something to take, but the headache continued for the rest of the night.

Today I’m better, the headache is over. Was having a relatively good mood at work. Enjoying my new head phones which I bought mainly to get isolated from people talking around.

Went home with a considerably good mood.. but it’s getting down the curve again. I really wonder what’s the reason behind that quick changes of mood. I don’t like it.

Umm.. I don’t know.. it seems that I’m not emotionally stable these days!
posted by MoonLightShadow at 10:40 PM, | 1 comments

Are you aware of what you are destroying?!

Monday, November 21, 2005
I really don’t think you are aware of what you are destroying. I’m doubting if you ever appreciated a father daughter relationship at the first place!

My only problem is I can’t dislike you, and I will not even say hate you. For I can never forget the good things you did for me, though I can’t forget the pain you caused me as well.

You weren’t there when I was in bad need for you, and later you thought you will invade my life easily. Sorry to tell you that you can’t do that since you weren’t there from the beginning. You came too late.

For many times I’ve wished I’ve lost you.. may be that would have given you an excuse for not being there for me. But you were there busy with your work claming it’s for us, but that’s not true, it’s for your own satisfaction.

I can’t say that you did something extraordinary for me, you just did what any father would do for his daughter, may be even less.

For a long time I was deceived, I thought of you as role model. But you are far from being a role model.

Instead of sharing my happiness, you were always the reason for destroying that happiness. I can never forget what you did in one of the rarest moments that I was in my extreme happiness. You just can see others happy.

You even don’t know what you caused me unintentionally. You are the cause of many problems that suffered and still suffering from.

I’m sorry to tell you from now on you are out of my life.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 11:16 PM, | 8 comments

I simply wanted to enjoy the company of myself

Sunday, November 20, 2005
I didn’t ask for something abnormal, I simply wanted to enjoy the company of myself. Let’s see how did that simple need of mine developed.

My mood has been going down the curve since yesterday, and I went work today in a little bit of a gloomy mood. I didn’t want it to extend for more than one day, so I thought after I finish work I’ll go out to any place.

There was a music concert by Nasseer Shamma at the culture wheel and a seminar about small investments. I thought that was interesting to go and check. So, my plan was to finish work, go home, sleep for an hour and then go to the culture wheel to either attend the concert or the seminar.

I didn’t call any of my friends to join in coz I know they are busy, and I don’t mind it. I was in need to go out by myself.

So, went home, told mum to wake me after an hour coz I’m going out, and slept. Woke after an hour to find my mum telling me I will not go out!

What?!! Repeat again?! I will not go out!! Why is that?!

She told me that she doesn’t like the idea of me going out on my own without anyone with me.
Me: so what? Am I still a child who need someone to take care of me?!
Mum: no, but I just don’t like the idea. It’s not normal to go out by yourself.
Me: what’s abnormal about it?!
Mum: I don’t know, but I don’t like it.
Me: give me a logical reason, and I’ll stay home.
Mum: I’ve never seen a girl going out by herself to a concert.
Me: come on, I know people who go to concerts by their own selves.
Mum: did any of your friends go by their selves?!
Me: they shouldn’t be my friends, but I guarantee you that there are ones.
Mum: Still I’m not convinced.
Me: neither am I.

And we went on and repeating the same.

Then I gave up, and went crying into my room feeling that I want to scream, felt my room walls are suffocating, kept crying till I had a terrible headache and couldn’t open my eyes.

Later mum came 3lshan tsal7ny.

Mum: I don’t want to you to be upset.
Me: But I am. I want to do something normal, and I couldn’t understand the reason of refusing. I’m a grown up, and I do have a mind to think with.
Mum: bas ana 7’ayfa 3aleeky.
Me: men eih?!! There is nothing in what I want to do. Simply my friends are busy, and I need to go out. What’s the problem in that?!
Mum: I don’t like it. Plus, you were out last Thursday with your friends, hwa kol shwya 7’roog.
Me: and you want me to stay at home?! What’s the problem in going out. I need to do something new, to see something new, what’s wrong about that?!!
Mum: don’t you say that you come from work tired and you can’t do anything?!
Me: yes, that’s true. But I don’t like that. I don’t want to lead a normal life, form work to home and from home to work. I have a life that I need to live.
Mum: do something beneficial then, I don’t see concerts as something beneficial.
Me: but I see them as something beneficial.
Mum: I’m recognizing that you are rebelling against everything these days, w mafeesh 7aga 3akbaky.
Me: I’m not rebelling, I’m just asking for my normal rights.
Mum: but you are going to a direction that is not yours.
Me: and who sets my direction?!
Mum: it’s the normal direction for people.
Me: and what’s the normal direction for people?!
Mum: it’s the one God sets.
Me: and why do you think I’m going far from it?!
Mum: you don’t think you are?! Compare yourself to two years ago, are you the same person?!
Me: and who stays the same?! People change, and grew older.
Mum: but there is a general path.
Me: but I changed.
Mum: I want you back, the good person I used to know. I don’t like what’s going on with you these days. I don’t like that rebelling to everything attitude of yours.

And we kept going on and on.

Mum: let’s go out have a walk.
Me: I don’t want to.
Mum: let’s have something to drink in Cilantro.
Me: I don’t want to.
Mum: are you still upset?!
Me: no I’m not.
Mum: tab go and wash your face.

Went to wash my face, but couldn’t hold my tears back. I feel pain within. I don’t know where is it coming from, but I just feel it. Something aching inside.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 11:53 PM, | 4 comments


So.. seems that I envied myself for the good mood, and I’ll be back to that other mood. I wish I won’t.

Spent yesterday at the traffic office for the license renewal, and that was enough for spoiling the rest of the day. It made me nervous, which reflected on my dealing with other people!

Went today to work having a headache and was very tired, wasn’t concentrating, and I did nothing from things I have to do.

If only you know that I didn’t mean it!
posted by MoonLightShadow at 6:28 PM, | 1 comments

A good Friday morning

Friday, November 18, 2005
Good Morning :)

Woke up early today, that’s not a usual thing on Fridays, but actually I woke up to prepare and have breakfast because mum caught a flu, so I’m trying to be a good daughter and help with stuff. My plan was to go back to sleep again. But I finished breakfast and felt awake and not sleepy, so I thought, ok let me start the day early.

Brought my notebook and started writing my ‘To do list’ for today. All what I remember is, through the week I kept saying I’ll be doing that on the weekend, but I remember nothing of what I planned for. Anyways, I wrote down things I remembered. Accidentally, I turned the page and read my last ‘To do list’. Amazingly, I found it almost the same as the one I’ve written today (lol.. does that say anything about me). But this time I’m determined to do what I have written hopefully.

The weather is amazing this morning. Opened the balcony, found everything out is very quite. A Shining sun, with a nice cold breeze, the light’s reflection on some flowers I bought my mum yesterday made them look very nice.. it’s an wonderful morning.

Yesterday’s mood was :))
Today’s is :))
posted by MoonLightShadow at 10:04 AM, | 9 comments

Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Mood for the day is :))
posted by MoonLightShadow at 11:26 PM, | 1 comments


Tuesday, November 15, 2005

I’ve been unconditionally happy for the past couple of days. A strange thing, but I’m happy that way. Trying my best to adapt to where I am and see the good sides. Definitely there are good sides that I didn’t previously see. I’m kinda trying to adapt a positive attitude and stop torturing myself for once in my life.

It’s amazingly showing on me. I mean, my inner happiness is reflected physically on my face. A cheerful face that I haven’t seen for a while.

I'll be doing something to monitor my progress in this. Each day I’ll be putting a smiley face on my blog, :) for being happy, :( for being unhappy, and every now and then I’m gonna check my progress and count the number of :) and that of :(. For a start, this post is marked by the :) sign.

It’s a full moon tonight, was planning to go out and enjoy the refreshing weather together with the full moon, but my friends turned me down :( We weren’t able to arrange for something. We planned to make it tomorrow, but it wasn’t arranged either.

I thought of going out by myself, but I felt I won’t enjoy it. I was in the need for that small company of friends.

Sometimes I try my best not to admit my need for others, but sooner or later I find myself admitting it. Sometimes I feel it’s weakness.. other times I feel others are not always here for me, so I shouldn’t be depending on them all the time.

Something weird that I realized in all my relations with people. From the first time I get to know anyone, I assume I’m the weak part of that relation. I always assume that I’m led by the other side. Something that I’m not fond of.

I always assume I’m the weak part, the less knowledgeable, the less creative, the less sociable, the less thinking, etc.. However, inside of me, I know I’m not that. It’s always a fear of something that controls me. But fear of what?!! I was never able to figure it out. Fear of rejection, fear of failing, fear of doing something wrong, fear of people’s misjudgments, fear of higher authorities. Have been always trying my best to be right. But very soon I discovered there is nothing called ‘right’. No absolute right.

posted by MoonLightShadow at 10:53 PM, | 5 comments

How small is the world?!

Thursday, November 10, 2005
It’s definitely smaller than I imagined.

Today I was having a training by my organization for the new comers.

Couple of weeks ago, I heard of a new employee who joined us but in another department, her name was D.

Today when I went to the training, I saw a girl, and felt that she is the new comer, I don’t know what gave me that feeling, though I almost don’t know any of the people there.

I felt she is staring at me, didn’t know what was the reason for that, I looked at her smiled and went on. Actually I didn’t pay attention to her face details. Later, she was sitting in the table in front of me, felt somehow she is talking about me, I felt that’s weird. Then, she went talked to one of the HR and after that I found her coming towards me.

I thought may be she knew I’m a new comer and she wants to get introduced to me. But to my surprise I found her standing right in front of me and staring at me!! It was only then that I looked to her in the face and had an eye contact with her. Surprise.. I knew why is she staring at me like that!!

D. used to be one of my closest friends at school, but she left school at 1st secondary. OMG.. I don’t know how I didn’t recognize her. She changed a little bit, but still I should have known her. Last time I saw her was first year in college. After that it was just a couple of calls and that was it.

Can’t imagine the surprise. We were separated 7 years ago, and we are back again together working at the same place!!!

Weird world!!
posted by MoonLightShadow at 8:26 PM, | 6 comments

A closed loop

Wednesday, November 09, 2005
I’ve been away from blogging for sometime. It’s not that there is nothing to say, rather, it’s no time to sit and write.

A lot has been going on that I wanted to write about, but time just flies. I really don’t know where does it go. It was the end of Ramadan, then traveled for the eid vacation, came back not wanting to go back to work, but what can I do, no way out!

Went back to work after the 4 days vacation wishing to have a different attitude, but it didn’t change much. Seems I’ve got an attitude problem.

Had a lot that I wanted to talk and write about, but it was postponed from day to the other. My daily routine goes like that, I come back from work, to find myself going out again for a reason or the other, coming back hurrying to go and sleep to wake up next day and repeat the same scenario again and again.

Yesterday, I thought, finally I’ll rest peacefully at home, it was only then that I remembered that I have to go out immediately and in 15 minutes time I had to be down town to attend the opening of ICIT a student conference at the AUC.

The thought of me hating work doesn’t leave me. The strange thing is, whenever I try to analyze the situation, and why am I feeling that way, I don’t find any clear reason. Everything is fine. But I’m not satisfied. Whenever I open that discussion with my mum she keeps telling me that I’m never satisfied etc… She wants me to be another copy cat of other people. She wants me to do as other people are doing. She keeps saying that if anyone else was in my place, they would have been very happy.

But I’m not like other people. I don’t want to be leading a normal life through which I won’t be happy. But what is it that will make me happy?! Would staying at home satisfy me?! For a while it will satisfy me, but then I’ll be bored. I won’t be happy finding all people going to work and only me is sitting at home.

Would another type of job satisfy me?! The answer is no. I just hate the idea of having a boss. Someone controlling me. I don’t like that. This drives me crazy. People interfering in my work. I really can’t stand it. Especially that I do things in a very slow pace, which means I’m always behind my deadlines, and they keep asking for the task which creates a heavy pressure on me more than I can handle.

So.. would I be living my life that way?! I guess if I did so I’ll be soon having a nervous break down. I can simply quit, and stay at home. But I can’t deny that I still want to earn a living of my own. Money is not my target, however it’s things I want to do with money is my target.

A closed loop, whenever I think about it I feel there is no way out. Will be always unhappy and unsatisfied because I don’t have the courage to take brave decisions and lead my life the way I want it, and if it ever happened, I regret it.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 11:01 PM, | 7 comments

El Djarra

Sunday, November 06, 2005
In the middle of nowhere, spent a nice three nights in the desert with endless limits, sleeping under the most beautiful sky lighted with marvelous shining stars.

It was in the Western Desert. The main destination was El Djarra cave. That’s about 150 km South of Bahria oasis. (check map here)

The trip started at Bahria Oasis where we took 4X4 cars for our off road journey to El Djarra. We took the 150 km. in about 6 hours, which included a stop every now and then waiting for cars that got stuck with the sand dunes. We made use of these stops and had some rest on the nice sand beds with amazing brownish wave forms, surrounded by some lovely round hills.

Top of Me7arrek dune

One of the famous sand dunes is Ghoroud elMe7arrek.

Finally, we reached El Djarra after sunset by about an hour and a half. We had iftar(it was last day of Ramadan) and set the tents then we entered the cave.

It’s under the surface of the ground through which we entered from a relatively small opening. We had to bend down because the opening is not high. We descended down walking on soft sand till we reached the big hall of the cave.

Dijarra cavePicture Source

Various sizes and shapes of stalactites were scattered everywhere on the ceiling and on the side walls of the cave. In addition, there was rock art near the entrance of the cave, it was almost wiped out, but still there was few traces. The weather inside was warm with dry but stagnant air.

Djarra cave
What is El Djarra?
It seems that elDjarra is a word that means Cave in Arabic. elKahf is the most common word indicating a cave in Arabic but elDjarra is the word for underground caves while elKahf is for ground level ones. Whatever form or elevation of caves it is, we know that it's a local Beduin word for any cave. (source)

It was German explorers who explored that area in 1875. But their documentation was lacking GPS way points, so the cave had to wait till another German explores came to find it again.

After finishing our exploration of the cave, we came out, lighted fire and had some talk while sitting around it, eating sweet potatoes and popcorn.

Next day we waked up by dawn, it was first day of el 3eed, we had breakfast and collected our stuff to go back to Bahria in a 6 hours journey through the vast beautiful desert.

After reaching Bahria, we went to the White desert where we camped for the second night, then in the morning we headed to el Farafra Oasis.

To be completed and may be edited..

posted by MoonLightShadow at 11:52 PM, | 7 comments

A quick Happy Eid

Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Unfortunately, I'm very short in time.. last minute stuff as usual.. I'm travelling after half an hour or so.. and just thought of wishing you all a Happy Eid..
posted by MoonLightShadow at 1:53 AM, | 11 comments