Security holes

Thursday, April 28, 2005
Open up to people or not to?! Each time I ask myself that question, I have a different answer.

Sometime ago I used to think that the moment I open up to people, then I’ve created a security hole in my life by letting others get inside and know what is going there.

At the same time I was suffering being all alone in my thoughts, and I was in a very bad need for sharing these inner feelings with others. Just for the sake of talking or expressing myself. Suppressing all the feelings I had inside wasn’t healthy, it caused much pain than that pain caused by having a security hole in my life.

One more reason for me not to open up for people. It was a wrong idea I had about myself. I thought I’m not good at expressing myself. That was true, but I realized that everything needs training. It’s acquired by experience. The more I express myself, the more I’ll know how to express it.

Sometimes we tend to over protect ourselves, we fear being hurt, stepped at the back. Especially if what’s inside is so pure, soft and genuine. But by having that fear of being hurt, we are making ourselves no good. It’s by being exposed to experiences and being hurt once and twice that softness inside will get harder.

A balance in everything is good. It’s a matter of choosing who to open up to. A person can’t make that choice except by being exposed to different kinds of people through which he/she will know the good from the bad. Opening up to trusted people is good, letting it all out without having that feeling of fear. But still doing our best to protect the softness inside.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 6:58 PM, | 5 comments

Kellma ll taree7'

Can't name that interview except a funny play for children!
posted by MoonLightShadow at 5:51 PM, | 1 comments


Thanks to my dumb Internet connection, I’ve been disconnected from the Internet for about 3 days. LOL.. Actually it turned out that it was me the dumb person, it wasn't the Internet connection!

During these days I felt I can’t do without it anymore, call it addiction, name it whatever. But that’s the case unfortunately. No connection, then I can’t do anything!

posted by MoonLightShadow at 5:39 PM, | 1 comments

Psychiatry in Egypt

Saturday, April 23, 2005

I wonder what’s the problem with psychiatry here in Egypt?! Why are people too sensitive towards that issue?! Is it a problem in how the community perceives psychological problems?! Or the problem that there are no good psychiatrists in Egypt, and they are aiming at only making money?! Or it’s the person who don’t have enough courage to admit suffering a psychological problem?!

Umm.. let’s see how I think of it. For many years I’ve had that idea of going to a psychiatrist, not necessarily coz I’m having a psychological problem, but just to speak out what is inside and find someone who would understand the implications of these thoughts I’m having.

But I was faced by a question, how far I’m in a bad need for visiting a shrink?! I don’t believe that this day by day problems implies that I need to visit a shrink, or else I’d find all people there.

So, I was faced by another question, how to know that I need a professional help?! I won’t be able to judge. Plus, I might be in a very bad need for having a psychotherapy but I’m not aware of it.

Well, let’s assume that I found answers to these questions, and I found out that I need an outside help. How would I trust someone I never knew before?! And I’m supposed to open up for that person.

I don’t have a clear opinion about how beneficial asking for an outside help would be. I think that they do nothing except ask people to depend on their inner will. If that is the case, then no need for them.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 6:51 PM, | 2 comments

Endless thinking of nothing!!

Doing nothing except starring at my computer screen while that virus scan is running. Can’t stop my mind from thinking. Ohh, I hate it when I’m in that status. Having all these flowing thoughts, all are vague, and unclear.

It has been quite sometime since I was in that status, that endless thinking of nothing!!

I really pity my brain cells.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 2:49 AM, | 3 comments

How far would you trust a dictionary?!!

Friday, April 22, 2005

How far would you trust a dictionary?!!

Do you take every single word written there for granted, or if your mind don’t take the definition written there you dare to argue about it?!

I don’t like to take words written somewhere for granted, except when my own mind approve it. Would that be considered as a close minded approach?! I don’t think so.

Would having a mind of my own, and not following what other people think make me a close minded?! I totally disagree. I’d be considered one if I refused to listen to any other voices except mine, but this isn’t the case. I do listen, and think about what I listen to, and I’m totally open for changing my opinions, and declaring that I might be mistaken in whatever I used to think of. Only on one condition, that other opinion must convince me.

It’s my mind that I trust, I don’t trust any other thing, but I do listen and expose myself to different ideas, only for the sake of widening my views, and not looking from a very narrow angle, or close myself within a circle of thoughts only coz I believe they are right, or coz I’ve searched and that’s what proved to me to be right.

Some things might be very obvious that no one would argue about. For example, if there is a cat, the probability of two people differing on what is that is very small. But still there are many other fuzzy issues which people would keep arguing and differing about forever.

For example the word love, yes, you would find a definition for it in dictionary, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that this would be the only definition for it, nor I should tie myself to it.

Some people claim to be using logic in proving their ideas, but the point is, logic differs from a person to the other, coz if it didn’t, all people would have reached same conclusions and there wouldn’t have been different opinions.

Trusting ourselves in what we think is good, but doubting it is good as well. A little bit of this and a little bit of that would make a balance.

Guess there must be a big difference between stubbornness, and being convinced with one’s opinion. Also, there is a big difference between being open minded and going with the flow and accepting others heads without thinking.

This just brings me back to the idea of reasoning and objectivity, and how that thing called objectivity might be very relative as well.

I don’t mind being closed minded, labels don’t make difference for me, but it’s the attitude people take and judgments they make which differs with me, I don’t like people to judge me wrong.

I wonder if your are reading this or not, but if you are, then this is a message to you, I guess you know yourself.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 3:12 PM, | 3 comments

She sleeps a lot!!

Thursday, April 21, 2005

She sleeps a lot!! About 6years ago that was one thing my mum used to worry about, and she insisted that the reason behind me sleeping a lot was an illness or something of the sort.

Actually she never knew the reason behind that tendency of mine to sleep early and for more than the normal hours. But I had a very reasonable reason deep inside myself.

It was the only way for me to have that peaceful rest with myself escaping the whole world around, shutting myself in my room, and having that chit chat with myself. It was a way of escaping some questions from my family as where are you?! what are you doing?! And many questions of the sort. For them, I must provide a reason to stay at my room, and even if I managed to stay at my room, that didn’t mean that I escaped the disturbance. The only thing I managed to do is to claim that I’m going to sleep. Even that they worried about!!

Thank God, I passed that stage of depression I had back then.

What reminded me of that?! Well, seems I’ll be back to sleeping early. Yes, back again to escaping their interference in my life. Since most of the time I’m stuck in front of the computer, so I tried to change the place where it’s located, to a closed room, where I could decrease that degree of interference of knowing what I’m doing, and giving myself some space to think on my own without disturbance.

Do u think I managed doing this?! Unfortunately, I didn’t. They just leave everywhere else in the house and come to that room I’m in!!

Am I upset?! Am I angry?! No, not at all. I got used to that. But it’s just a question that keeps lingering in my mind, why parents don’t respect privacy of their sons and daughters.

I don’t believe that parents got to know everything about their children, there are still some red lines which they shouldn’t cross. May be coz we are in a community which doesn’t respect privacy. Umm.. May be!!
posted by MoonLightShadow at 5:45 PM, | 4 comments


Sunday, April 17, 2005

Depressed and feeling down.. that’s my status.. don’t ask me why, coz I myself don’t know. Feel that I’m fed up, feel that I can’t stand it anymore, but what is that?! I don’t know.

Want to scream, shout, cry my heart out.. but what to say?! I don’t know.

I’ve got nothing to say, though a lot to be said, would anyone listen?! And if they listened, would they understand?! And if they understood would they ever appreciate?!
posted by MoonLightShadow at 10:08 PM, | 4 comments

How the naive me used to think!!

Thursday, April 14, 2005

In a conversation that I had with my father couple of months ago, I realized that the way I’m thinking doesn’t go well with how life is going.

Our conversation started by me asking him about the roles of the president, and what are the things that he is supposed to do for his people. What I had in mind was, a president is supposed to be serving his people, striving for their welfare. Of course I know that this isn’t what’s going on.. but I was wondering why?!!

So, what brought that to my mind now?! Well, today, on my way home passing beside the Azhar University, I found those people of “el amn el markazy”. It wasn’t the usual number that is there daily. To the extent that some streets were blocked, and all the area was black, coz they were everywhere.

While passing by that area I had that feeling of “I might be shot at any second!!”. “What’s going on?!” I wondered. The first thought that came to my mind was, there must be demonstrations.

Anyways, I’m not talking about demonstrations, I was just wondering isn’t those people who are supposed to be there for our safety, instead they are the people who we need to be guarded from!!
posted by MoonLightShadow at 7:13 PM, | 2 comments

How old are you?!

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

What would be the reason behind that question?! What does age imply?! Does it imply wisdom, experience, maturity?! I doubt it implies any of these.

Age is simply years that we’ve passed living on this planet.. The way we make use of these years might be the measurement of a person’s experience. How much this person exposes himself to situations and experiences through which he/she might learn something new.

It’s how much we know that counts.. not how many years we’ve passed. I believe, youth in their twenties might be much more knowledgeable than old men in their 50s and 60s. Experience shouldn’t be measured by years, rather by what is it that we’ve accomplished in these years, how far have we gone.. how far have we improved.

I hate those judgments done based on a person’s age.. it’s one more category to the generalizations people do.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 8:00 PM, | 1 comments

Initiating an official bloggers community

Sunday, April 10, 2005

A nice idea that I came across.. they named it bloggers syndicate.. I'd rather call it the official bloggers community.

Anyways, it's not the issue what to call it.. I'd like u to check that post where the idea was initiated.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 10:20 PM, | 2 comments

They claim they are applying the law!!

Thursday, April 07, 2005

وقال العميد نبيل العزبي إن الشرطة ستنفذ القانون بشكل صارم، وأضاف "التعبير عن الرأي مسموح به، ولكن إذا ما وصل الأمر لمرحلة أن يعتاد الناس على خرق القوانين، فان المبدأ هنا هو وجوب تطبيق القواعد، .. على الجميع الالتزام بالقانون".

I’ve came across an article about the current demonstrations that are taking place in Egypt on the BBC website.. and I stopped at that statement and thought.. when was the law strictly carried out except in these situations. Those who claim that they are applying the law are the first people who need a law to govern them!!
posted by MoonLightShadow at 9:52 PM, | 0 comments

Give me a definition for memories

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

How would a person define what is called good memories?! What are the factors of having a good memory?!

Is it the occasion itself like a memory of a wedding, or it’s the happenings of the event like enjoying one’s time when doing something, or it’s the people in the event like having your friends and people you love around?!!

Which of these factors give us that feeling of a good memory? Should all of these factors exist, or a memory can do without one of them?!

Could we make memories?! Would we do certain things just for the sake of having a good memory?! Or it’s just things that happen which we later think of as good memories?!
posted by MoonLightShadow at 5:30 PM, | 0 comments

Just like that..

Monday, April 04, 2005

It happens just like that.. without any warning..

May God rest his soul in peace..
posted by MoonLightShadow at 9:28 PM, | 3 comments

Human Reason Vs. Objectivity

This human reasoning has bothered me a lot.. Being a person who is convinced by any logical thoughts.. I find myself convinced by all points of views for a certain issue as long as they are logical.. even if they might be contradicting.

I try my best to be objective, for me this means being open to any kind of thoughts, even if they might be contradicting my own thoughts.

It’s known that by exposing oneself to different experiences, different opinions, and different issues.. A person can build his own thoughts and his own reason. He picks that piece from here, add to it that piece from there, and mix them in his own way resulting at the end in his unique opinion.

But the same issue remains, do people manage to completely ignore the way they were brought up, ignore the ideas they learnt, ignore the way they used to think, ignore their background.. I believe they can’t.. coz these experiences are the only driver behind the thoughts and ideas of people.

If that’s right.. and people can’t ignore their previous experiences.. then I believe it’s very hard to reach objectivity based on human reason.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 2:15 PM, | 1 comments

"What are my bad traits?" She asked..

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Yesterday I was talking with my cousin .. she is about to be 17.. and she asked me the usual question I used to ask myself at that age.. She asked “What are the bad things you see in me?”. I kept silent for a while, and there was something up in my mind going. Yeah.. it has been sometime since I last asked that question, whether to myself or to people.. and I thought why was that?!

Anyways, back to my cousin, I answered her question saying I view nothing bad about you.. and that was really what I thought, it wasn’t a compliment. Then, I asked her about how other people did answer that question.. knowing inside what kind of answer I’ll be receiving.. and yes, it was as I expected.

She said that her friends think that she is too quiet, introvert, rational, not easy going and she summed that up saying they think of me as their mother who keeps telling them do this and don’t do that.

I smiled and said, and who told you that these would be considered as bad qualities in a person!! I used to have the same qualities.. and back then at that time.. I used to think of them as bad ones as well. But as time went by, and as I got to understand and learn about how things go in life.. I learnt that they are good qualities rather than bad ones.

We ended the discussion.. but the question kept lingering in my mind, why being quiet and not talking that much is considered as a drawback in one’s character?!

I learnt not to care about how people think of me.. but still, I won’t like it for them to take that bad impression about me, only coz I don't talk.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 3:51 PM, | 1 comments