I’m just a big mouth

Friday, July 15, 2005

I’ve always had these big dreams.. I’ve always wished to reach the stars. I don’t get satisfied by achieving small things. I always look for more achievements. Some might call that dissatisfaction, I’d call it the need to reach perfection.

The question that crosses my mind every now and then, am I a perfectionist?! I don’t know. Sometimes I feel yes I am, other times I feel no I’m not.

Sometimes I see it as seeking perfection but I’m too lazy to work for it. Other times I feel that I’ve had enough of being that perfectionist, I need to have rest. Actually I don’t know.

But just being in that state of not reaching what I dream of, doesn’t make me feel good about myself.

I keep dreaming, talking about my dreams, planning, saying I should do this and that. But I always stop at that point. I hardly carry out my talking into action. I wonder is it the need to be proactive or the need for encouragement that results in this.

Couple of days ago, I was reading First Things First , and I stopped at that part of writing a mission statement. I don’t know why it reminded me of all those dreams I’ve had, and how I didn’t accomplish any of them.

Since I was a little kid, I’ve had those big dreams. When I was in primary and preparatory, the only thing I wanted was to be an astronaut. I started buying books about astronomy, I read a lot about it and started asking about what should I do to reach that dream of mine. As time went by, I discovered that being an astronaut isn’t that easy, and that dream of mine is to an extent impossible. But I still was in love with astronomy. I thought I’d join the faculty of science astronomy department and then see what is it that I’d do after that. Thanks to surrounding people, they made that dream of mine vanish!

Years later, after being a university student, I had other dreams. Some were related to my field, others weren’t. I’m very much into hand crafts, and needle work. I thought when I graduate I could do business out of it. Then I felt it’s just a hobby, and I won’t make a good business out of it.

Later, I had another dream. I thought of having that institution for giving children good education, it might be some sort of a summer school to work on talents within each child. I'm still sticking to that dream. In fact I still stick to that dream, but I fear I turn out to be that big mouth as usual.

My latest dream is having that little library and bookstore. Part would be for selling books, the other part would be for lending books.

These were my major dreams. On the way, I’ve had other small ones, which I didn’t achieve any of them as well. One of them was developing a smart navigation system for cars (might tell you about that one later).

The only common thing between all these dreams are they are only thoughts. I did no action to carry out any of them.

That feeling of being another ‘just talking person’ irritates me.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 9:33 PM, |


hay moon, ain't we all big mouths!
i wish icould have this bookstore you are talking about as well..
how about sharing the dream together of having our own corner?!
i am serious 3ala fekra..
Keep dreaming. Don't give up, and don't get dissapointed.
Blue.. I'm serious about it as well.. I'm always serious in my dreams.. but they just stop there as being serious dreams.. no step forward.

Mohamed, I guess one day I'll lose my ability to dream.