Random 30's thoughts

Tuesday, June 23, 2015
akteb bel 3araby wala akteb bel english..wala franco.. 3ala word document wala wara2a w 2alam..akteb fi korasa mest7'beya fi dorg maktaby wala akteb fi el blog wala note 3ala facebook.. tafaseel keteer 3amalah afakar fiha.. w fi el a7'er mabktbsh 7aga! hwa ana bakteb leih aslan.. mogarad ta3beer 3an nafsy.. w tanfees 3an kamm el afkar el mela7'bata ely gowaya.. wala bakteb 3lshan el nas te2ra w t2oly allah 7elw.. hwa ana mestnya mosharka fe3lan min el nas.. wala bakteb l mogarad el ketaba.. hwa ana bakteb 3lshan mesh la2ya 7ad atkalem m3ah.. fa badal ma 2ata2 min el kalam ely ma7boos gowaya ba7awel 2ala2eelo ayy makan yetla3 fi?! 2as2la kteer.. w mahma 7awelt afakar.. wala bakteb wala batkalem.. wala ba3mel ayy 7aga.. w dah example baseet min ezzay kol 7aga dayra fi 7ayaty.. tafkeer b lazma w min 3'ier lazma.. lama 7'alas nefsy a3mel l mo7'y force shutdown..
El mohem.. zay kol sana.. ye2arab June.. ab2a meza2tata min el far7a.. it is my birthday month.. hwa ana leih bafra7 aslan eno it is my birthday?! the most honest answer is; because it is my special day.. I feel important that day.. w bab2a seeking el ehtemam dah.. da youm fi el sana..I want to be pampered.. w zayy ayy high expectations.. not all what we expect happen.. w akta2eb.. w ye7'las el youm w ana ba7awel amasel eny mabsouta.. w yeegy tany youm.. w az3al en I'll wait one more year for that special day to come again!
El sana di kan nefsy akteb 3an my own reflections about my first year in the fourth decade.. w a3at a3sor fi dema3'y keteer awy.. bas l sabab aw l a7'ar.. el afkar kanet bthrab miny kal 3ada.. w makontsh 3arfa amsek fekra feehom.. I made several attempts w kanet el 7'olasah 3 sentences "Happiness is a decision" "Our mind is the most powerful tool on this Planet" "Whatever you believe in, you can make it true"..
W law 7awelt eny agama3 bein el 3 sentences dool 7ala2eehom enohom bydoro fi nafs el fekra.. w heyya en 7ayatna heyya reflection l afkarna.. and that we are powerful enough to make whatever we want with our lives, we just need to believe in this.. kolaha bt2ool en I have the strength to lead the life I want.. and they are all into the optimistic side of life.. but still there is always something that hold me back.. mesh 3arfa heyya mogarad afkar mawgood fi dma3'y mesh 3arfa at7'alas menha? walal ana fe3lan fi 7agat mwa2fany w mesh 7a3raf a3mel feeha 7aga, and I have to maneuver?!
Sa3at keteer a3od ma3 nafsy w at7'ayal who the perfect me would be? ya3ny ana nefsy ab2a 3amla ezzay? shakly, tar2ty, my interests, activities, my friends, etc.. w el 3'areeb en who I am now is far from who I wish I could be.. w bardo ma3rfsh eih ely mwa2fny 3an eny ab2a who I want.. w dayman 3andy doubts whether I can be this person I wish to be or not.. w arga3 alef fi nafs el dayra bta3t hwa ana fe3lan yenfa3 ab2a ayy 7aga ana 3ayzaha? wala fi 7agat tanya btet7akem fi dah? 
 
posted by MoonLightShadow at 3:47 PM, |

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