MoonLightShadow - A baby figuring her way out

Supposedly this post was going to be about my weekend trip which I enjoyed very much.. however, the moment I entered Cairo bad news welcomed me one after the other.. as a result was terribly out of mood today.. crying without a clear reason.. I was just triggered by my colleague asking what was wrong, and I just found tears rolling down.. don’t know what is it exactly that had an effect on me.. the moment I started telling him what’s wrong, I found myself crying.. that was weird, never did that at work.. kept all day like that.. whenever someone asks what’s wrong, I find myself crying.. was really such a depressive person today..

But still unable to figure out why am I crying?! It’s not what happened, because I’m sure there is always a reason behind everything.. and no one knows what’s better.. so, I believe in that, however I’m feeling sad down inside.. may be because I wasn’t able to provide proper support.. well, that’s always me.. I’m lousy when it comes to emotional support especially in such cases.. and I’m always accused of being stone hearted..

They sit together.. daydream.. and come up with some imaginary dreams.. and then we are asked to fulfill these dreams!!

At times I really feel I dislike managers.. I’m afraid I’m getting to be a judgmental person.. but I can’t help it.. they really get on my nerves when they keep taking decisions and committing us to deadlines we know that we don’t have enough resources to fulfill..

I hate it when it’s my manger who is supposed to take a certain decision, and I just find myself asked to take that decision instead..

So.. I’m taking and working according to a decision that is built on incomplete information.. and I’m not able to get the complete information I need.. and I don’t understand a lot of stuff!

There is a huge gap in communication.. but nothing to be done about it.. and I hate passive managers..

In my room…
Under my blanket…
Having my best cushion behind my back…
Having my laptop connected wirelessly…
Beside me a big mug of hot chocolate…
My mp3 player with a radio tuner beside me…
Hearing the sound of rain drops outside…

As a child, I used to look at older people as my role model.. used to think that all people who are older than I am are right..

Definitely on top of that list were my parents and teachers.. for me, they were never wrong, they sure know more than I do.. in addition was people on T.V. don’t know why, but I used to think that any one who has the privilege to be on T.V. must be Mr./Ms. perfect.

I’m not the kind of person who asks questions.. I have them popping in my mind, but I never ask them.. I wait till I manage knowing the answers myself..

As days went by, my assumptions turned out to be wrong.. not all elder people are right, people on T.V. aren’t always Mr./Ms. perfect.. can’t deny I was shocked with these conclusions.. but it only reflected that I was getting to understand the surrounding world better..

Measuring on this, same happens with everything in my life.. I always suppose the good intentions.. I always give people excuses for whatever actions they do.. however, most of the time I get shocked in these assumptions I had..

My parents remained on the top of my perfect people list.. not because they are my parent’s.. but it was the way I viewed all parents in the world.. if you are a parent then you are a good person.

Growing older, I realized that even that rule wasn’t right, still there are parents who kill, steal, bribe, etc..

So.. I came out with a conclusion, that my parents might not be goog role models as I thought.. they have their pros and cons.. they don’t know it all.. their own experience isn’t a rule that I should follow, on the other hand, I should challenge these rules..

I was not happy realizing that.. sometimes I feel it would have been better if I didn’t realize it.. at least would have trusted all the rules and concepts I’ve been following and putting a base for myself..

I’m not standing anywhere.. my parents aren’t always right.. they just enforce their own experience and thoughts on me.. and that’s something I refuse..

One of the things I don't like about myself is, not knowing what I want. I might keep saying that I need a certain thing, and then when I'm about to have it, I just realize that it's not what I wanted.

May be I change.. and as a result my needs and dreams change as well.. without me realizing that..

Since I graduated and may be before that, I was wishing to work at a certain place.. for a reason or the other, this didn't happen.. and I had an offer from the place where I'm currently working.. it was a good one, and I thought I shouldn't wait for that other place more than that..

A year passed, and still that dream of working at that other place didn't fade away, however, I was kinda satisfied where I am, and felt it doesn't worth trying.. may be it wasn’t meant for me to work there..

Out of nowhere I found a call from that company I wished to work at. They were calling me for an interview.. without thinking I said, “Yeah, I’m interested”. Going home that day.. I was wondering, am I really interested?! Or it’s just the old dream that came playing in my head again?!

Thinking of the place where I currently am, I found out that I’m happy there. Though, many times I feel like I need to leave.. but from a logical point of view, it is giving me all what I need.

Felt it’s not fair to leave where I am just for the sake of an old dream. However, I thought I’d go through the experience. I’d go for the interview, and may be I won’t be accepted, and that way things will be solved.

Went, for the interview, I enjoyed it.. I sometimes know myself through interviews. After a number of interviews, I was accepted, and had their offer.

If I am to compare the offer logically, then I’d say that it doesn’t worth the change. However, a very faint sound inside me is seeking the change, and risk. It’s that old dream of mine which I don’t know whether I still want it or not.

I gotta be replying today..

Breathing non polluted air..
Seeing the true color of the sky..
Watching an amazing sky full of millions of sparkling stars..
Seeing a non-blurry moon..
People helping each other and perfectly reflecting the meaning of a team work..
The sky is the only limit..
Listening to the sound of silence..
Feeling that the number of hours per day is multiplied by two..

That's few things of what you could expect when going for a hike in the beautiful high mountains of Sinai.

Monday 23rd of October a group of 20 hikers started hitting the road to the beautiful town of Katrina.. When we were about to be there, it was time for sunrise. A lovely scene to witness the light coming in slowly after darkness..

We reached El sheikh Mousa camp in Katrina at the early morning.. we had a quick nap, and then prepared ourselves for starting the hike. That was mainly preparing our backpacks.. and packing all other stuff to be transported to our next stop by camels.

The first thing we met after leaving el sheikh Moussa was, Abou Jeefa, a tough up hill.. the main challenge at the beginning of the hike, it's either you take the challenge and complete.. or go all the way back..

Reaching the top after almost loosing our breath, we were rewarded by the most beautiful scene.. seeing Katrina town from one side, and the beautiful wadis with green trees from the other side..



About one more hour of walking, smelling the beautiful scent of the mountains, mainly it's habak, we reached our first stop, Zuwatien.. we had to prepare our sleeping bags and tents before it was sunset..



In such cold weather, it always feels good to gather around the fire, waiting for food.. a hot tasty soup was all what I needed.. and I got it..

One of the best things I love is getting into my sleeping bag, doing my best to make myself warm, and watch the beautiful sky and shooting stars.. That's one thing that you'd miss if you get into a tent.. However, next night I slept in a tent because it was getting really cold, though, I'd say that the sky is not to be missed.

Waking up in the morning is always such a hard thing.. but eventually we have to do it.. pack our stuff and have our breakfast. One thing that we were keen on was having our group photo..



One of my main goals this time was going up Mount Abbas, which is the 2nd highest peak in Egypt after St. Katherine's. I did it, and it deserved.. the scene was breath taking..
We then completed our walk till we reached our second stop which was Wadi Tenia..

Third day was the most tiring and the most beautiful.. we were kinda crawling as a se7lya.. we reached el Galt at about 11:30 A.M.. some jumped into the cold water, and other just relaxed, charging themselves to complete the crawling..




On our way to Farsh el Rommana where we spent our third night, I saw El-Sar7 tree.. stopping by it and listening to the wind playing with it's leaves is such an amazing thing..

Fourth day we were heading back to Katrina, passing by Zuwatien, and down abou Jeefa.. till we reached el Sheikh Mousa camp.

Late that day we went to el Tur.. an amazing place that I've never been to before.. a very nice and calm city.. with hidden beauty.. a good spot for wind surfing..



Being in the most beautiful place with a very nice and amazing people is the best combination for enjoying my time..

p.s. it's not me who shot the photos