MoonLightShadow - A baby figuring her way out

My brother asked "What makes you satisfied?! You are never satisfied!!"
I kept thinking and thinking.. realized that he is right.. and I found no answer!!

A year has ended..
A new year to come..
And I'm the same person..

He used to be one of my best virtual friends.. at a certain point of time, we used to talk for hours daily.. it was like our daily routine.. I know I'll log in to find him there.. he was one of the very few who cared to look inside and try to understand.. we never met.. and I think if we did that would have ended the connection between us.. not that there is smth wrong with him.. but because the connection was meant to be that way..

I used to share almost everything with him.. my feelings, dreams, problems.. many times I wondered would this person ever disappear from my life?! And I tried to convince myself that this will not happen..

As days went by.. and each one of us became more involved in his ‘real’ life than that other space that connected us.. we tried to keep the connection.. but it seemed that the lifetime of that connection expired..

I remember him once wondering if he will ever get married and have a daughter.. and I said yes, why not.. but at that time he made me feel it was such a far unreachable dream for him..
Last time I heard from him, he told me that he got engaged.. and was going to get married (katb ketab) in a short while..

I immediately remembered that conversation that we had.. and realized that days are really passing very fast.. it’s been almost one year now since we last connected.. and I got a real answer to my question.. yes, the time will come when this person disappears from my life..

“All men dream but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity, but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men for they may act their dreams with open eyes to make it possible” T.E Lawrence, the 7 pillars of wisdom

Omar Samra is a 28 years old Egyptian, studying for his MBA in London. Omar had a dream of being the first Egyptian to climb Mt Everest. He had this dream since he was 16 years old, and since then he started preparing himself to make his dream come true..

By the 25th of March 07 he was in Nepal to start his Mt Everest expedition, after serious preparations for two years. The expedition lasted for 2 months.. he reached the summit by the 17th of May 07 being the first Egyptian to reach the summit..

Tonight I attended a presentation for Omar about his Everest experience.. and I gotta say he is such an amazing person.. to my surprise, he turned out to be the same person I read about 4 years ago who had a journey round the world for 370 days!! (more could about his journey could be found here)

I perceived him as a very modest person.. someone who knows what he wants, determined to make his dreams come true.. capable of defeating anything for the sake of achieving what he once dreamt of..

One major lesson that I personally learnt from him; “If you have enough motives to do something and you are determined to do it, you will, no matter how hard it is”

When he was asked about his coming steps, he answered “I’ll go looking for other Everest in other fields”

His advice was, Everest shouldn’t be everybody’s dream, rather every person should search for his own version of Everest and work hard to reach the summit..

It was an amazing night, that really came at the perfect timing for me..
Thank you Omar for making me proud of you..

You know that feeling of being lost.. been having this feeling lately..
Feeling that I don’t belong.. that I’m carried with the daily life.. having nothing that I’m looking for.. no plans, no dreams.. nothing except waiting for the day to end..
At the same time I’m doing my best to escape thinking.. unfortunately thinking takes me nowhere, I just feel more lost..

I’m not sure what’s going inside of me.. sometimes I feel I’m having weird thoughts.. I feel it’s not me who is taking control of myself.. I’m starting to be someone else.. not sure whether I like that new version of me or not.. at the same time I’m not capable of returning back to who I was..

The worst feeling I’ve ever had.. living without a dream.. a goal that I’m seeking.. even if I had one, I’m too lazy to work hard and achieve it..
I don’t have any motive to do anything..