MoonLightShadow - A baby figuring her way out

Not again! I'm done with crushes.. I've had the worst lessons ever.. I'm not ready for anymore.. I can't take it anymore.. those guys who are too friendly, please back off.. enough sending mixed signals.. enough confusing me.. I can't take it anymore.. why aren't you clear from the beginning?! or is it me who just imagine things?!
I'm developing this new feeling for this new person who is just invading my life.. and it is developing really good.. but I'm too tired.. too tired of this uncertainty, it is draining my energy.. but I can not stop thinking about how it is developing.. in a way even better than what I would wish for.. I've promised myself no more crushes.. but I simply can not stop it.. I've promised myself that I will not talk or write about it, but I couldn't keep my promise.. I felt like wanting to tell the whole world about it.. I'm happy, wanting to live the good moment, but I'm afraid of the next heart breaking moments.. it is harsh, I know, I've been there many times before.. but it is just dominating my mind.. so I thought may be by letting it out, I free some space in my head for other thoughts to come in.. I really wish deep from my heart for it to work this time.. but I'm too afraid.. my heart is convincing me that it is different this time.. but those past experiences keep haunting me, reminding me that miracles don't happen in our real world.. I really wonder how deep the pain will be this time!

Are we really suffering from a marriage problem here in Egypt?! I used to think it is me who has a certain problem.. but when I went out to the world and started seeing new different people, I just realized it is not me.. it is getting viral! Excellent, well educated, good mannered, and good looking girls who are getting in their thirties and they are not in any kind of a relationship! and it is turning into a competition in girls' world.. a severe one.. where keeping up to it is really hard, and energy consuming.. But my question is, what is really wrong with guys these days? I'm sorry to say, but is it a matter of supply and demand?! a lot of good girls, and very few good guys out there?! I can't even imagine that I started thinking that way! The more I meet new different cases, the more I lose hope, if I ever had it at the first place.. yes I know it is "naseeb" and everything thing happens by God's will, but still, definitely there is a logical reason, but I really can't put my hands on..

Actually when I look closely at how things are going, I get scared, a lot of cases I heard of are breaking all the rules, just to win a guy! whether married or not.. older, younger, it doesn't matter.. same or different social class.. they are crossing all the lines, and still nothing is guaranteed! I'm one of those who was raised to believe that it is not about the looks, and that we have to pay more attention to the core of people, but what I'm seeing is totally contradicting.. it is turning to be about the looks, and only the looks! and even if it happened and you got married, there is still fierce competition out there that will keep you on the tip of your toes! I don't think it is meant to be this way.. I only wish to understand why is it getting that complicated?!