MoonLightShadow - A baby figuring her way out

Had a little argue with my brother and went into my room and burst into tears.. the argue doesn't deserve.. but I just felt like crying.. but it's not relieving anymore, crying makes me really tired.. it hurts.. I feel an ache deep inside my heart..

My life has changed, but sometimes I refuse to accept this truth.. I escape believing it.. whether by getting involved in anything to forget or by just recalling the past.. imagine it as if it is happening right now..

So, I opened my blog to just drop some lines.. but for a certain reason I found myself reading through my blog archives.. and guess what? I just realized that this blog has been up and running for more than five years now.. oohh God.. I couldn't believe it.. years are really going by very fast.. things are changing around me, but I'm just standing still!

I am the same me.. but things are changing around, which in return is affecting me.. I did change, but only on the outside.. I gained some kilos :( I had my dressing style changed a little bit.. my way of dealing with people changed.. I became more daring.. I became less cheerful.. less energetic.. less helpful.. my relation with people changed.. I became very aggressive.. my tolerance threshold is getting very low.. I started having a darker view of life.. but looking deep deep inside me, I am the same person, it's only the things around me that changed which easily affected my outside..

I still don't know what do I need from this life.. I'm still taking the role of the "watcher".. but years are going by.. I'm tired of everything, of myself, my family, my work, my way of dealing with things.. I'm simply not happy.. I don't feel like living this life.. I'm fed up.. I can no longer enjoy it.. I don't find a single thing to look up at and wait for it to happen.. nothing is making me happy.. I became a very dull person, and definitely hated by people around..