MoonLightShadow - A baby figuring her way out

Normally I used to celebrate a happy singles day with my friends instead of celebrating Valentine’s Day, however this year, I decided to let the day pass as a normal day.. just a normal day.. nothing really special about it, I’m not going to feel depressed or anything.. it’s just a day.. despite this conclusion, I went yesterday to watch the Valentine’s Day movie.. I don’t know why I had the urge to do this.. but I thought it’s gonna lift the mood a little bit.. unfortunately, it did the opposite, and I’m not quite sure what’s the exact reason.. it’s a nice light movie, but it just hit a chord..

Anyways, so, today was the big day.. strange enough I woke up on time, not feeling down or anything, on the contrary I felt happy, which is a rare thing to happen these days.. it’s Valentine’s day, all are celebrating, and even if they are not celebrating, they are talking about it.. and I’m insisting on my resolution, no big deal about the day.. just a normal day..

Did I say that being down is the normal mood for me these days? Yes, that’s correct.. on Thursday, I was on my peak though, and I kept wondering about the reason.. I was having that meeting with all those work people and HE was there.. but it felt different, as if he is trying to disappear.. whenever I find him.. he disappears.. it felt different.. it felt awkward.. as if he is trying to escape.. my intuition told me there is something, but wasn’t able to figure it out. After the meeting was over, I wasn’t able to rest except by asking someone what was going on with him.. but I got no answer..It was today that I knew the reason for my awkward feeling when I found him opening our office door with chocolates celebrating his engagement.. it was only then that I knew the reason for that feeling I had on Thursday!

I’m not a person who is clever with hiding how she feels.. no matter how hard I try.. my eyes always says it all.. I had to pretend to be happy, indifferent, congratulating.. it was difficult, but I guess I did it.. simply because I had very confused feelings.. I’ve never been confused in my life as that moment..

So, are my Valentine’s gifts over? Not yet..
After trying to deal with the whole working day without falling down crying myself out.. I went to the gym after work to release some of the negative energy I was having.. after which I got a phone call from the least expected person to call..

After the normal greetings and so on, and all the introductions.. he managed to cut it short and just said it “I’m proposing to you”.. I couldn’t utter a single word, I’ve never been in such a situation before.. the most thing I really wanted to happen, but unfortunately not from the right person..

I managed to end the call to take my time and think how to say no but in a polite way.. the last thing I’ll need is to hurt anyone, but at the same time no way I can accept..

Apart from the details, I managed to end it.. and finally the day is over..

Really I wanted it to end before any other disasters.. I cannot endure anything more to happen.

Happy Valentine’s Day