Privacy phobic!!

Saturday, March 25, 2006
Since I was a little girl, I’ve always had my own world away from people. It only involved me and myself. Used to enjoy it very much. Talking, debating, thinking.. I was developing my own self. Then I started to feel the gap between the two of us, the one I know in that private world of mind, and that other one which I expose to people.

I guess when I was at primary or so I used to understand most of the things around. Sometimes I felt I’m not to supposed to, and as a result I used to show that other naïve face of mine.

I grew older, but I still followed the same methodology. Having my own thoughts, ideas, opinions. To the extent that sometimes I might be sitting among people who are having a conversation about certain thing, I might be very interested in, but I used to express my opinion internally. Rarely exposed my opinions out. Have no idea what was the reason. Sometimes I think that I feared that my opinions are not welcomed, and I’m still a kid who understands nothing. Other times, I felt that I don’t need anyone to be aware of how I think, not to be aware that I think at the first place.

I remained with that private world of mine till I started sharing in discussion forums. It was the beginning of exposing my hidden ideas out loud. At the beginning I was trying to be cautious to see how am I going to be accepted by the surrounding environment. To my surprise, I was welcomed and had a positive feedback, that gave me a very strong push to write more, to express more, to think and share.

But still, that virtual expressing of mine became part of my private world except for those very few whom I accepted that they get into that private world of mine.

More and more, I started getting out of that private world and be exposed more to the outer world. At times I regretted it because I felt it resembles
security holes in my life, other times it felt amazing to share with other people.

My blog became part of that virtual private world of mine, thought I’ll be able to control it to remain as private and I wished it to be, but unfortunately it didn’t.

When I started thinking about it, I wondered what is it that I’m fearing?! Why do I prefer everything in my life to remain private, even very simple things.

One of these things, though I think it’s a major one, was my virtual name. Did my best to hide it, and don’t let anyone know about it. Was shocked when I found out that my brother knew about it. OMG.. I couldn’t believe it, was very mad at him. But when I thought about it, I felt extremely ridiculous. What’s the problem?! What difference will that make?! Why am I hiding the name anyways?! Why am I hiding myself?!

I just can’t imagine people invading my private world that easy..
 
posted by MoonLightShadow at 12:17 AM, |

2 Comments:

  At 4/03/2006 01:36:00 AM Anonymous Someone said:
A very interesting post..

Mmm..Hmm, As for the virtual world, this is how things are to be "you will still have barely a glimpse of who I am"

Anyways, take it easy and enjoy :-)
I'm taking it easy.. and trying to enjoy.. Thank you for the advice.