Saturday, February 18, 2006
In a glimpse of a second I remembered everything about my childhood, my school, my teachers, my friends, and my parents at that time. It felt as if that was a very long time ago.

Can’t imagine I’m over all these stages. Graduated from school, graduated from university, and currently working. There is something that I can’t comprehend. Sometimes while I’m sitting at work, I keep talking to myself, what am I doing here, how did I manage to be here, am I that good person that they think, where are my dreams, is it the end of the road, or it’s the start, am I happy, is it what I want?! Endless, countless questions that strikes me at a certain moment.

When I think I hate myself, I have to know why, and when I ask myself why, I realize I have a lot to change. When I think of what to change, I find a lot. When I think how did I become the person I am, I look back to how I used to be, and how I thought I will be.

To my surprise, I changed, but not much. I’m the same me. Same characteristics which I thought I only have cause I was a little kid. It turned out that it’s me, whether I’m a kid, or a grown up.

I wished I was a different kid. I wish I was a naughty student. I wish I was a more extrovert person. I wish I did what I wanted to do. I wish I had broken the rules. I wish I went off the line. I wish I wasn’t me.

I know it’s no use crying over spilt milk, nor looking back and saying I wish. I should look ahead and say I will. But a strong bond between the past and the future that can’t be broken. Each is pulling, and I wonder which will win? The past will drag me back to it or the future will pull me out of these memories.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 2:40 PM, |