What became of me..
Sunday, March 10, 2013
I always feel dissatisfied.. feel that I’m missing
something.. feel that I’m not in the best status.. always looking forward for
something to happen.. always thinking that it is this thing that I don’t have
is what will make me happy.. and suddenly, I just realized that I was mistaken..
I’m simply running after anything for the sake of running..
Well, I have to admit something, I’m approaching 30 and this
is terrifying me.. Nonsense I know.. but it is a fact that I cannot deny or even
change.. I fear getting old without finding a life partner to share my life
with.. at the same time, I can’t imagine the idea of giving up my independence..
I enjoy my freedom.. I enjoy my loneliness.. I fear the commitment.. I fear the
responsibility.. I fear the compromise.. and most important, I fear failure!
Marriage in our society is such a complicated process from
all aspects.. it requires hell of effort with no guarantees of success.. it is
a huge burden that I don’t think I can take.. that’s a fact that I just
realized today.. I can easily get suffocated by people.. I always like to keep
my distance.. I don’t like to feel liable towards someone..
However, I need to be someone’s first priority.. I need to
feel cared for.. secured.. dependent.. loved.. I know I can’t have it all.. but
I can’t compromise.. I’m very specific about what I want.. I need to be
overwhelmed.. and I need it to be continuous..
I need a lot of things.. and I have nothing to offer in
return.. not only this, but I have discovered that I’m no longer a fighter.. the
moment I realize there is a challenge, I simply give up.. that’s not who I used
to be, but that’s who became of me!
Disappointed in me?! I was disappointed in myself!
posted by MoonLightShadow at 10:07 PM, | 
1 Comments:
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Wow...wb after a year..still i believe it'me who is writing this blog of urs...with small difference that i am a male ....Smile dear -:)