MoonLightShadow - A baby figuring her way out

It's been about more than a week now and I'm trying to put some words here on the blog.. it's not that I don't have what to say.. or I don't have the time.. it's just that thoughts run away whenever I try to catch them and formulate them to words.. or may be they are diversified thoughts.. related to everything and anything.. simple things that I pass by daily, and major decisions that's affecting my whole life..

It might be questions.. or just normal thoughts.. wondering about this life.. the endless wondering and questioning.. the thing is, they are the same questions repeating over and over.. and I wonder, why can't I find answers.. is it that I'm not looking hard enough, or that they are unanswered questions.. even when I get the answers.. I quickly change my mind and think it's not the right one..

Life is going.. and I'm growing.. and everything around is evolving.. however, I fail to find the answers.. and may be the questions are increasing..

Anyways.. enough of these questions.. Ramadan is knocking on the doors, and all are getting ready.. each in his own way..

Government is making sure that all kinds of food are available.. People are buying Ramadan yameesh.. children getting their fawanees.. T.V. channels are getting ready with their shows and ads.. charity channels are getting ready preparing shonat Ramadan.. people are collecting money for mwa2d el ra7man.. mosques are getting decorated and prepared for tarawee7 prayers.. and this list goes on..

I wonder, where am I from all this?!
I remember myself years ago.. how I used to have plans and a will to carry them out, though I never fulfilled these plans fully, but at least I had the plans.. I had it in mind..

Things have been different for couple of years.. the gap is increasing, and I'm doing nothing about it.. I'm just watching.. at times it's really painful.. other times I try to let it go.. but I can't stand myself anymore.. a step should be taken.. however, whenever I just think of trying, I find something increasing the gap.. day by day my will is fading..

So.. my plan for this Ramadan is, decrease the gap.. am I capable of doing it.. do I really need to decrease it.. if yes, why am I not taking any actions.. this thought is really killing me.. I feel I need support.. however, sometimes I find the wrong support.. I find the pushing support, not the understanding.. that support that helps me find the reasons for the gap and work on it..

May God grant me the strength..