Friday, April 18, 2008
So.. I’m busy busy like a bee these days.. or that’s how I appear to be.. when I have the time to just think for couple of minutes of what I’m doing.. I find myself doing nothing.. what is it that’s keeping me busy then?!

‘Uff’ became my start of the day word.. if I am to count how many times I say it.. I guess I’d reach ten times per minute.. I hate myself when I’m in that state.. but I just feel too much dragged into nothing..

Currently I’m not doing any added value job at work.. I’m just giving support.. and solving tedious problems.. it’s not the new job, it’s just the surrounding circumstances.. I had a colleague who left, and I’m handling some of his work for the time being.. plus we r are having that new colleague who I’m supposed to be working with her for a while till she is capable of working alone.. and I have my own work, which I’m doing nothing of!

My working day is divided between shouting to people on the phone and talking to myself.. and I suddenly discover that my day has ended without doing a single thing from my to do list..
I should admit I’m not a well organized person.. but still, things around me are not allowing me to be organized.. everything is distracting.. I believe that I’ve got a lot to add.. things of value.. but I just don’t have the chance to start!

When do I leave work?! Usually not before 7 or 8 p.m.. well, I can leave before that if I want.. but the thing is I don’t want! The other part of my day is not that fun either.. it’s all about housework! I’m almost doing everything at home since my mum can’t do anything at the moment.. and whenever I complain, people keep telling me your mum used to do all this! Well, I’m not my mum.. this is too much for me.. I hate feeling that I’m not controlling my life.. on the contrary, life is controlling me!

I hate how pathetic I became.. always complaining.. no matter what is it that I have, I don’t feel happy.. I keep repeating myself again and again.. only stating problems and never trying to solve any.. is it that I really don’t have time to sit and think how to get out of what I’m in.. or it’s that I need to get encouraged.. to share what I’m feeling.. to find someone to help me out of what I got myself in..
posted by MoonLightShadow at 7:10 PM, |