Finally the week is over!

Friday, June 30, 2006

The worst week I’ve ever been through! The general atmosphere at work wasn’t that good, we were all pressured, having a huge workload.. and we can't do anything except staying late to finish.. and it’s not finished!

Finally that horrible week is over, or let me say, that horrible month is over. Finished work today at 10 p.m. Couple of hours before that I got an sms from a friend telling me that she and another friend will meet today at 7!

I got that sms, and I was jumping up and down.. we’ve been planning for that outing for about a year! And they are gonna do it on the day I’m having work till 10 p.m and I can’t leave!

Was very much depressed! Even my boss realized that, and he was worried that there was a problem at work. Well, it was part of my depression, but still I couldn’t imagine that work will deprive me of meeting my friends.

I called here, and explained the situation, but I made sure that they won’t leave before I come.

Finally, left at 10, and hurried to catch them up even for half an hour.. well, I stayed with them for about 2 hours.. and gotta say that these two hours made up for the whole week.. as if I wasn’t tired.. felt the depression is over.. was really happy!

They are my friends from the radio.. one of them I’ve met couple of times before, and the other was my first time to meet her.. but it felt as if we were a very long time friends and we were just remembering our memories together.. it was a real fun..

What else about that week?! Well, yesterday I was totally depressed, and my mum took me with her in an outing with her friends.. felt weird about it, but it was new nice experience.. knowing how my outings will be like 20 years later..

What else?! Umm, a friend called about a week ago inviting me to her wedding.. and I was like what?! Isn’t that a bit fast?! Couldn’t imagine that people take such decisions that easy.. Anyways, my major problem was the last couple of weeks I’ve been gaining a lot of weight! And the wedding is on the 11th of July.. this means I gotta do something about myself to find a dress that fits.. well, I couldn’t since I was feeling down.. and I can’t add to that by depriving myself from food, and didn’t have time to do any exercise.. I went shopping to check out what’s there for a dress.. and guess what.. I went to the shop.. found a nice dress.. I tired it and it was perfectly nice.. the second day, I asked a friend to come check it with me, she did, she told me it’s nice and I got it :D

That was nice.. I like that quick actions.. don’t like things that take a long time and a lot of effort.

I’m traveling tomorrow to the north coast for the weekend.. hoping I could relax and have some refreshment.. though I know it’s not the north coast that will do that, but anyways, I guess it will do till I manage having a hiking safari to the mountains.

The final good thing about ending this week.. well, yeah, the two weeks are over.. he will be back on Sunday morning :D I’m happy about it, though still he won’t be back with us.. but at least he will be at Cairo.. within reach..

 
posted by MoonLightShadow at 1:35 AM, | 3 comments

Work Load :'(

Sunday, June 25, 2006
Haven’t been feeling good lately.. one week passed and another one to come, yet, nothing will change after the coming week as well.. it’s only he won’t be abroad, but he will not be back.

I’m feeling very pressured.. having tons of work load, can’t do anything about it.. sometimes I feel like escaping the whole thing and doing nothing.. but I can’t.. I have to finish.. I hate to work while being pressured.. sometimes I feel like I wish to disappear.. I hate hearing a ringing phone.. I hate seeing that pop up announcing an incoming email.. I know they only have problems and extra work!

Sometimes I feel I’m more fragile than handling all this on my own.. sometimes I feel I’m weak, I need someone to support me.. I miss that.. I miss being supported..
 
posted by MoonLightShadow at 9:16 PM, | 3 comments

22 years ago..

Friday, June 23, 2006

22 years ago, I was brought to that world..
22 years ago, I was just a small little thing who barely opened her eyes..
22 years ago, I was clueless why am I here.. and still I am..
22 years ago, I had no worries, I knew nothing, and I guess I was happy..
22 years ago, I never knew what will become of me after 22 years..

Here I am.. after 22 years.. still clueless.. still crawling.. would I be the same after another 22 years?! I just wonder!

This morning I was thinking, why should a person be happy on his/her birthday?! What is it that special about that day?! Is it because it’s marking my arrival to this world?! Or, it’s celebrating my achievements through these years?! Or, it’s just a special day for a person on which he/she feels they are special, and people try to make them happy..

Just wondering.. since, it seems that the month of June this year is not bringing me any good news.. on the contrary, it was full of unhappy events.. full of work load.. and it just reminds me that I can’t have a summer vacation!

Even the day, couple of weeks ago, I was checking which day of the week will it be, coz I thought I might take it a day off. But to complete how that month started, it turned out that it’s gonna be Friday, it’s already a day off.. people are busy with their families on Fridays and others are not in Egypt.. My friends tried playing around all these circumstances and they made their best to celebrate my birthday.. wouldn’t have needed more than that..

Trying my best to let go of all the negative thoughts I’m having.. trying to be happy for people around me..

My friends, I’m really grateful :)
 
posted by MoonLightShadow at 12:53 AM, | 7 comments

Sunday, June 18, 2006
I immediately woke up at the first ring of my alarm.. jumped out of bed, was extremely tired as if I didn't sleep at all.. felt all my body is tensioned.. but wasn't able to relax.. had a quick shower.. dressed up.. and down to work.. early by about 20 minutes..

I entered the office.. stood in front of his desk, not imagining that it will be empty.. couldn't believe he will not be sitting here anymore..

First time to blog from work.. but I felt I have to.. I need to let all my thoughts out to be able to work..
 
posted by MoonLightShadow at 8:38 AM, | 2 comments

Birthday week.. Birthday surprise

Saturday, June 17, 2006
Woke up yesterday.. filling in water to go water my plants.. to be surprised by a new four orange Gerberas.. was very happy to see them.. and in few days there will be a new rose on my roses tree.. though I was not in the mood, but seeing them kind of lifted the mood up..

At noon, I had a plan with my friends to go out, since it has been a while since we last had an outing together.. plus, that past week wasn’t a pleasant one for any of us.. my friend called at the morning telling me that we will meet at Korba then decide where are we gonna go, and I asked who will be joining, and she told me A. and Sh.

At the meeting point, I was surprised to find other people than those she told me are coming. Actually at that moment I was not in the mood.. was totally feeling down.. and was not prepared to have an outing except for the four of us A, Sh and S.

I realized that the number of people is even increasing! Didn’t want to complain about it.. and thought I gotta get myself out of this mood. Then they decided to go to ceramic café, and guess what, I was the only objecting person, well, don’t know actually why did I object.. but anyways, we finally decided it’s ceramic café.

We went there, and let me tell you I had the best surprise ever!!

All my friends were there.. it was a surprise birthday party for me and A. since our birthdays are on the same week, and there were a very reasonable reasons to have a week earlier ;)

I paused for a moment trying to realize what’s happening.. I was definitely surprised and happy at the same time. They exactly made everything I wished for my birthday.. as if they were reading my mind! The place I wanted, the people I would have loved them to be there.. it was really amazing :)

And they really managed to make it a real surprise.. I hadn't a tiny clue about what was going on.. they actually did me the best birthday.. it’s enough that they really knew what I wanted.. and they fulfilled it ;)

The mood was changed 180 degrees.. I was the happiest ever.. I really can't find proper words to reflect how I was feeling..

A very big Thank You goes to all my friends..

Zee, Rain & Ahmed, Shimo, Justin, Kunoichi, Ryu, Rana, Mandarina, Tahra, Amany, H. & R.

A., my friend who is elder by 3 days, Wish you a Happy Birthday..

H., Thank you for coming, and being part of it.. I appreciate it veryyyyy much :)
 
posted by MoonLightShadow at 2:14 PM, | 9 comments

It’s vacation time

Wednesday, June 14, 2006
It’s like these days every year that used to mark the start of the summer vacation.. definitely, it used to be the best days ever. Just finishing exams, having all the plans for a fruitful summer vacation..

I can very well remember how I used to daydream about my vacation during exams.. it used to be the best plans I can ever come up with.. whether I fulfill them or not was not a big issue.. I enjoyed daydreaming..

Unfortunately, I no more have these daydreams.. actually, I don’t even have time to daydream. About a week ago, my cousin, who is in 5th primary was telling me that she took her vacation.. I spontaneously told her I’m waiting for mine.. then I paused for a second and realized the bitter truth.. I will no longer have these summer vacations!! It was nothing new.. but seems that I just forgot about that fact.

Going out in the streets.. you can feel there is something.. yeah, vacations is here.. all are saying that.. but I’m not feeling it.. I’m missing that feeling!
 
posted by MoonLightShadow at 9:13 PM, | 5 comments

Today

Tuesday, June 13, 2006
The day started by waking up a little bit late.. wasn’t planning what to wear.. then I decided on the dark blue skirt with the light blue jacket.. after I went out.. I remembered that he has a dark blue trousers.. and a light blue shirt.. didn’t know what brought that thought to my mind.. while entering my office.. I thought, he will be wearing them today.. opened the door.. and to my surprise.. yes, he was wearing them.

Don’t know what would that mean.. but I was happy about it..

The rest of the day went fine.. boring at work.. but it was ok..

We were planning for an outing.. it was cancelled, then we re-planned it.. and yeah.. we were going out.. on the way for picking up a friend.. out of no where I found I’m having an accident.. was very shocked to react.. and I guess I wasn’t in the mood to have an argument..

It was over, the outing was cancelled.. went home in a bad mood.. but thank God I’m better now.
 
posted by MoonLightShadow at 12:12 AM, | 2 comments

Raq el Habib

Sunday, June 11, 2006
Music by: Mohamed Al-Qasabji
Lyrics by: Ahmad Rami
Date: 1941


رَق الحبيب و واعدني يوم .. و كان له مدة غايب عني
حَرَمت عيني الليل من النوم .. لاجل النهار ما يطمّني
صُعُب عليّ أنام .. أحسن أشوف في المنام
غير اللي يتمناه قلبي
سِهِرت أستنّاه .. و اسمَع كلامي معاه
و اشوف خياله قاعد جنبي
من كُتر شوقي سبقت عمري .. و شُفت بكره و الوقت بدري
و إيه يفيد الزمن مع اللي عاش في الخيال
و اللي في قلبه سكن .. أنعَم عليه بالوصال
طلع عليّ النهار .. سهران بنور الأمل
و غنّت الأطيار لحن الهوى و الغزل
و فضلت أفكر في معادي .. و احسب لقربه ألف حساب
و كان كلامي مع صحابي .. عن المحبة و الأحباب
من فرحتي بدي اتكلم .. و أقول حبيبي مواعدني
لكن أخاف ليكون بينهم مظلوم في حبه يحسدني
هجرت كل خليل ليّ .. و فضلت عايش مع روحي
أحسن يبان شيء في عينيّه .. من كتر خوفي على روحي
و لما قرّب معاد حبيبي و رُحت أقابله
هنّيت فؤادي على نصيبي من قرب وصله
و لقيتني طايل من الدنيا كل اللي أهواه
بس اللي كان فاضل ليّ أسعد بلقاه
لما خطر ده على فكري حيّر أمري
و القرب سبّب تعذيبي
ولقيتني خايف على عمري ليروح منّي
من غير ما اشوف حُسن حببي
 
posted by MoonLightShadow at 10:34 PM, | 3 comments

...

Saturday, June 10, 2006
Didn't know what should I do while I'm having all these feelings.. I only thought I'll go drop some lines in my blog.. I've been waiting for so long.. my mind can't stop thinking.. I'm feeling tensioned, don't know why..

The past two days were very nice.. but I'm afraid I'm just imagining things, only because I want to believe they are true.. Should I neglect these feelings, or should I follow my heart?!

I wish life was much easier than it is..
 
posted by MoonLightShadow at 10:50 PM, | 1 comments

Impatient

That’s the new thing about me. I’m being impatient. I haven’t been like that before. I realized that I’m loosing my patience and temper easily.. can’t continue on doing one same thing for a long time. I even can’t complete reading anything. I barely pass through headlines, or even just go through pictures.

I start the day, just waiting for it to end, and have a new day. Nothing that I’m waiting for. But can’t tolerate having a day of 24 hours. I guess I became intolerant. Can’t tolerate to wait for anything. I just need the days to pass.. may be the coming days will bring me what I want.

One new thing as well.. I guess I’m starting to have memory leakage I hardly can remember anything for more than 1 minute.. I’m forgetting names.. I haven’t been like that either..
 
posted by MoonLightShadow at 6:47 PM, | 1 comments

Adapting

Friday, June 09, 2006
After calming down, and looking at the full part of the cup.. I guess things are better now. I’m starting to adapt myself and accept the new situation.. after all, it’s not that bad!
 
posted by MoonLightShadow at 3:44 PM, | 7 comments

Am I being over-reacting?!!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

I’m really sorry my dear blog readers.. I’m gonna be bothering you a lot with self pity posts about what I’m going through.. I know that might sound boring.. but I need to vent it out.

If I were to write about how I was feeling about work two weeks ago, the following would have been what I’d write:

“I’m feeling that work became one major part of my life, I enjoy being there.. I hate my weekends, and I don’t mind staying late at work.. don’t mind being loaded, I don’t mind anything, I just love being there. I go home, promising myself that I’ll be back the next morning..”

I couldn’t believe myself when I felt that way.. never thought I’ll be that much attached to my work.. it happened. As much as I like it, as much as it pressured me more. Before, I didn’t care if I’m doing well in my work or not.. I didn’t care much. I was like, they don’t like my work, they fire me, and make everyone happy. I wasn’t keen on my work. However, the case changed, I became more attached to work, not imagining that one day I could leave.

Felt too much attached to people I’m working with.. couldn’t imagine that they will no longer be my colleagues.. a feeling that is very painful.

All the time I’m having flashbacks of certain situations.. of the fun we used to have being all together.. it’s distracting me. Can’t concentrate at work.. and could do nothing about it.

Unfortunately, I’m back to counting the hours and days.. I’m back to not wanting to wake up early in the morning just to pass another day at work. It’s becoming boring when he is not around! Even the one thing I was wishing for my birthday will not be fulfilled. Wished he was going to be around.. but he will be traveling..

Am I being dramatic about it?! Over reacting?! I don’t know.. but I can’t keep it inside.. it’s too much than I can keep..

 
posted by MoonLightShadow at 9:52 PM, | 5 comments

No more waiting!!

Monday, June 05, 2006
So.. my guesses, doubts, assumptions, all turned to be perfectly right!!

Unfortunately that’s true! Nothing that I’m waiting for, it’s all out and clear. No painful waiting, but the truth is more painful.

Can’t imagine it. I hardly held my tears at that moment. Then, I rushed to the ladies room all in tears. I’ve never done that at work, I’ve always been in control of my tears. But that was too much for me. I couldn’t imagine my morning without our daily chit chatting.

All is over.. a fact that I should be accepting!
 
posted by MoonLightShadow at 9:50 PM, | 5 comments

Waiting is painful!

Friday, June 02, 2006
I was sitting there jumping up and down.. I had a vague idea what was going on.. but still I was curious. I’m hoping that all my doubts are wrong.. but they are almost facts!

It’s too painful to keep waiting for it to be announced any moment… though I’m sure of it, I still can’t imagine it!

At certain moments I could feel tears rolling down.. can’t control them.. neither can I control these foolish beats of my heart..

I’m hoping it is postponed, however, waiting is painful!
 
posted by MoonLightShadow at 11:10 PM, | 3 comments

Moon eating Sushi!

Yesterday we were having a birthday party for a friend who is fond of the Japanese culture. So, the decision was, it’s gonna be in a Japanese restaurant that serves Sushi.

I’ve always heard about Sushi, but it was my first time ever, to see it, and eat it! I was very curious to know how does it taste, I guess it’s very similar to the Korean food as well, and since I’m a big fan of the Korean drama Jewel in the palace, which it’s main theme is Korean food, so, that was a very good opportunity for me to try it.

Didn’t know what to choose, still, didn’t even know how is it served, how does it look like. My friends made their recommendations, and I followed them. After all, they are more experienced than me in how it tastes.

Here comes the food! I was like shocked! What is that am I gonna eat! So, they started giving advices on how should I eat the stuff in front of me. I had Salmon and Shrimps, and there was that green thing that I had to put in Soya sauce. That was followed by a long lesson on how should I hold the two sticks :D:D. I bet, all who were sitting there were laughing! But seriously I couldn’t make it and hold the sticks. Anyways, after managing the sticks, came the difficult part, tasting my first piece of Sushi. I started with the Salmon, put it in the sauce, then to my mouth!!

That was followed by a moment of silence, trying to understand what I’m having in my mouth! After which I felt like throwing out. Thank God I didn’t. Of course I had all these people laughing at how I looked.

Did Moon give up?!! No she didn't. They told me try the Shrimps, they claimed it’s better. After having some rest, I went on again trying the Shrimps, and it was no better than the first trial! Even the rice tasted very strange!

Well, I was determined to finish my plate, so, I had another one of Salmon, another one of Shrimp and that was it. Couldn’t complete it! I thought that I’ll be used to it, and will find it nice afterwards. But no way!!

Some of my friends were having all what you can eat plate, so I tried one piece of Crab, but still, it was the same. I kept watching them, and I was very surprised how happy they were eating it!!

I gave up my plate for my friends to eat, and thought, I’ll eat the birthday cake. Guess what?! I had my first piece of the cake, and felt a strange taste than I was expecting! It was yogurt!!! I ended up not eating anything :(

Despite all this, I was happy.. I like trying new things.. plus, I was happy seeing our friend happy.. I guess that what matters that day, making him happy.
 
posted by MoonLightShadow at 1:20 PM, | 5 comments