Thursday, June 30, 2005
I’ve always wished to live in a deserted island far away from people. Do whatever I like without putting surrounding people into consideration.
Some might tell me you shouldn’t put other people into consideration, but I can’t. Moreover, I’m talking about people whom I owe them a lot.
When it comes to parents, and grandparents I feel that they did me a lot, and the time came for me to repay them what they did.
But as a result of that generation gap, plus lack of understanding between us, I rarely reach a common ground with them. And a conflict is created inside of me between wanting to please these people I love and wanting to do what I enjoy doing.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 9:19 PM, |
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Throughout the number of years I’ve lived, which are not that many, I’ve been wondering to which do I belong.. Venus or Mars?!
I’m said to be from Venus.. but I barely have common ground with them. I thought then I’m from Mars.. but later I discovered I’m neither from there.
Kept looking ,searching, and wondering to which do I belong. But I felt I belong to none. I’m from somewhere else. I’m from that planet called Earth. I’m not categorized into those two main categories.
I’m different.. and I shouldn’t be trying to find similarities.. May be I should go looking for people from Earth like myself.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 9:58 PM, |
For the past couple of days, I was playing that role.. A lady with high heels. The moral I got from that experience.. I’d never do that again to myself.
The first day, was my final seminar.. then it was followed by a party. So, I was wearing that high heels shoes starting from 2:00 P.M to 11:00 P.M. Going home in a state that I can barely put my feet down. I thought I won’t be able to walk for 3 days or so.
Then I had a rest for a day.. and I continued that story today. I was having an employment fair.. and I had to wear that high heels again. The pain was double that I had on the first day.. and I really looked funny.
Yeah I’m short.. but no more high heels.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 9:46 PM, |
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Though I can barely open my eyes.. but I just can’t help it from writing something here.
Today was my final seminar for my graduation project. Finally I’m done with all that headache.
That was the reason for the absence of couple of days. Just wanted to make that little announcement. Got loads of things to talk about.. but I guess I’d better do that when I’m awake.
For now, I’m wishing myself sweet dreams ;)
posted by MoonLightShadow at 1:26 AM, |
Monday, June 20, 2005
A lot to be said, but words don’t come easy..
Just listen to that background song.. it says a lot about what’s inside.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 10:45 PM, |
Sunday, June 19, 2005
I don’t like to take.. coz I never guarantee I’ll return it back.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 1:49 AM, |
Thursday, June 16, 2005
This is a story about Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job.
Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 7:47 PM, |
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
"Either lead, follow, or get the hell out of the way. "
That’s what I always tell myself. I’m not that kind of a person that would go for the leadership, except in very few cases. I’m neither the one who follows, I hate it. My last choice is to get out of the way. That’s precisely what I try to do. It doesn’t work always fine, but it’s better than being a stumbling stone for others.
Getting out of the way sometimes is mistaken for being lazy, not wanting to work. But actually it’s not the case, it’s just being stuck in the middle of not wanting to take the lead of things, nor wanting to follow what others say.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 9:25 PM, |
Monday, June 13, 2005
Finally I submitted the C.V. yesterday. It was like a nightmare for me.
To start with, I don’t like writing C.Vs , nor do I like interviews. Add to that, I don’t like being pressured to do something I don’t feel like doing. Meaning, currently I’m in the mood of, I need to sit home do nothing. I know later I might not be feeling the same way. So, part of me is blaming the other for procrastinating things.
My dislike for writing a C.V. comes from not liking to pinpoint good things about myself. I know it’s not a good thing. But that’s the way I am. I can’t go on saying I did that and I know how to do this. When I talk with people about it, they keep telling me, don’t underestimate yourself. I don’t know whether I should believe them or not. Are they fooling me by saying I do have a lot in the inside?! And they want me to fool myself. Or what they are saying is true, but I can’t see it?! I don’t know.
I don’t like to under estimate myself, cause she doesn’t deserve that. Nor do I like to fool her, ant tell her you’ve got this and that, while she doesn’t have any.
Anyways, I’m done with that headache of the C.V., waiting for the headache of interviews.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 9:32 PM, |
Sunday, June 12, 2005
It’s my last day of exams ever.. thought it would be one of my best memories, but actually it’s one of the worst. I wasn’t by anyway in a state to write about anything, but thought I shouldn’t be missing writing about it.
I never though I could have that extreme changes of mood all in one day! Let’s see how it started.. and how it ended.
Before going to the exam I was very stressed, not as a result of my exam, rather I was worried about my brother’s exam. Thank God he did well. Going to my exam, it was three questions, summing the whole syllabus as if he asked us to write all what we know about the course. Anyways, it went fine.
Being it last day, we some kind of celebrated at college.. photos, balloons, autographs.. etc.. Up till that moment things were very fine, I was happy, enjoying my time.
After that we were supposed to have an outing somewhere. As usual my friends take action in a very slow motion.. so I thought I’d go visit my grandparents, stay there till they decide where are they going. Called after a while, “Have u decided where you are going?” I asked. And I got the expected reply, a place that I don’t actually want to go to, and that was after about an hour. I thought okay.. I’ll go home, have some rest, then drop by them. I didn’t do that.. I just went home, had a little chit chat with my parents. Seems I was in a very bad need for that! As if a little kid running for her mum.
Went there to the place where my friends were.. We were having a surprise birthday party for a friend.. till then things were fine.
Then they started that game of spin the mobile.. still didn’t have problems, I was just watching, I said I’m out of the game.. Things developed to somehow analyzing each other and such stuff… Still kept sitting there.. Then suddenly out of nowhere my friend who actually asked me to join them there said she will go somewhere else. And that was the start.
Can’t describe the feeling I had at that moment.. I went to a place I don’t want to go to, with the group of people she specified.. and then you are leaving me there.. umm, sounds childish I know, but I was very upset.
The moment something provokes me, I get very aggressive, some kind of self protection which sometimes harm others. Whenever I reach that state, I prefer being kept away from people. So, at that moment the whole group was leaving. They were going to the place I wanted to go to at the very first beginning. Of course I should have been happy, but, unfortunately I wasn’t. I was already in that state of don’t come near me.. and I just went home silently, even without saluting the people (sounds very rude).
In my way home, I wasn’t able to avoid tears rolling down.. deep inside I had a very strong feeling of pain.. it’s not because of that incidence, but I was crying over myself.
My weird actions with which I’m punishing myself. The usual conflict between Me and I.
Reached home, burst into tears, needed to do something more than that.. break something.. may be that would get the negative energy out. I didn’t do so, neither was I able to sleep, nor do anything. Just wanted to get rid of myself.
Then talked with my friend about the whole thing, and I got very provoking answers..
Wished I had spent that day in much better way.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 1:58 AM, |
Saturday, June 11, 2005
Ever hated yourself for loving someone?!
posted by MoonLightShadow at 8:32 PM, |
Friday, June 10, 2005
Watch out.. Thanwya 3ama at home!
Thanks to my brother who is in thanwya 3ama, I got kicked out of my studying room :( I guess a couple of days more and I'll be kicked out of the house :D
posted by MoonLightShadow at 6:05 PM, |
I was very happy to come across a number of blogs. I've added them to "Happy to come across these" section.
Though I might not have direct contact with any of them. But I know that there is one common thing between them. I won't tell you what is it, I'll let you guess.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 11:14 AM, |
Thursday, June 09, 2005
We have some kind of a forum or e-group for my college on which we send our inquires and questions to anything related to our studies. Whoever knows the answer replies. Most of us tend to send anonymously on that group.
Once I was talking with my friends, and I told one of them, by the way, I recognize your writings on the group. She has some kind of a consistent beginning, and a why of saying things. Then another one told me, and I do recognize you as well. I asked “and how is that?!”. She said, u have a certain way of formal writing.
Well, I didn’t like that. I thought to be identified by having formal way of writing means it’s not a friendly way. I reviewed some of the things I posted there, and I found that yes, I go direct straight to the point. I don’t start with ice breakers, like, “how are you doing” or things of the sort.
Thinking about it for a while, I found out that it’s my usual way of dealing with people. I need something from them, I go direct and ask for it. No introductions, no hello, no hi. Though, when it comes to intimate people things are different.
I then discovered that many people don’t like that kind of formal communication. But why not?! Should I start with long introductions, exchange some flattery, and sweat talk at the beginning?! I don’t like that. I don’t like to receive this kind of talk as well.
Seems I gotta review many things about my dealings with people!
posted by MoonLightShadow at 1:21 PM, |
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
I wonder what's with forwarded e-mails these days. They all seem a directed message to me!! That's another one I liked.
One day, there was a blind man sitting on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet and a sign that read:" I am blind, please help".
A creative publicist was walking by him and stopped to observe he only had a few coins in his hat, he dropped a few more coins in his hat and without asking for his permission took the sign, turned it around and wrote another announcement.
He placed the sign by his feet and left. That afternoon the creative publicist returned by the blind man and noticed that his hat was full of bills and coins. The blind man recognized his footsteps and asked if it was him who had re-written his sign and he wanted to know what he wrote on it.
The publicist responded:" Nothing that was not true, I just rewrote your sign differently". He smiled and went on his way. The blind man never knew but his new sign read:
" TODAY STARTS THE SPRING AND I CANNOT SEE IT"
Change your strategy when something does not go your way and you'll see it will probably be for the best. Have faith that every change is best for our lives.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 1:51 PM, |
I heard that story before, I guess that was on radio. Yesterday I received it in a forwarded e-mail. Thought of sharing it, wish you would like it, even if you heard it before.
A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could go no further.
So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shrivelled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.
Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shrivelled wings. It never was able to fly. What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If God allowed us to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly!
We asked for Strength, and God gave us Difficulties to make me strong.
We asked for Wisdom, and God gave us Problems to solve.
We asked for Prosperity, and God gave us Brain to work.
We asked for Courage, and God gave us Danger to overcome.
We asked for Favours, and God gave us Opportunities.
We received somethings we wanted, we received everything we needed!
Life is like a high way, but you don't know where your destinations is. Sometimes you are not even sure if it gets there. Still you keep on going. Make sure you enjoy the journey.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 1:24 PM, |
Sunday, June 05, 2005
I feel like crying.. don’t know why, not a single reasonable reason!!
Just came from outside, burst into tears! What’s up with me?! Weird things I’m doing these days. Not even capable of opening my mouth to utter a single word.
Seems I’m making a lot of pressure on myself.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 9:32 PM, |
A simple question, why is it always the heart that we accuse?!
I'd appreciate it if someone gives me an answer.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 11:06 AM, |
Suddenly I found myself a grown up and I’m gonna be kicked out to real life very soon.
I don’t know if I’m supposed to be happy, or sad. It just feels different, and a little bit scary.
I’m still a baby in the inside, I’m not ready for any major changes in my life. I’m not ready for taking decisions which will shape the rest of my life.
I’m all full of dreams, but still I don’t know what is it that I wanna do!
Will the time come for me to give up on these dreams, and live the real life?! Or should I struggle for achieving them?! Still the world is not as perfect as I want it to be. Would I be able to change it?! I doubt.
Yeah.. it’s the time for me to decide my career objectives. I don’t know what is it that I wanna do after graduation, nor do I know where would I like to work. I need a lot of time to make such a decision, but I’m required to take that decision in a couple of days time.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 12:04 AM, |
Friday, June 03, 2005
When I was in the high school (thnwya 3ama), I used to study Math while some classics are playing. I used to enjoy them very much. And thank God I did well in my Math exam.
Now, I’m supposed to be studying, but I just can’t open a book or look in any papers. Amazingly, when I turned some of those classics on, I sat for hours studying without being bored or anything, and did make a good progress.
It’s amazing what this music does.
posted by MoonLightShadow at 10:02 AM, |
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Umm.. Just want you people to compare between what's happening about the EU constitution, and what happened here in Egypt!!
posted by MoonLightShadow at 12:34 AM, |